Work, Money, Health, Relationships, and Basics

I'm so bored with life.

I know this person and they keep trying to control evil.  And I'm all...you don't control evil, that just makes it two times worse.  You know?  Anyway, their stupidness is annoying me.

I'm really bored.  There's nothing left for me to do in life, but work and pay bills til I die.

REALLY bored.  Like I'm so bored, my great grandchildren can feel it.

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Trying to get off the pills.  Lithium, which will be extra hard to get off of because I'll be at work and I need to tell my boss when I get off them, because a lot of my attitude could change in the morning.

I have a wellness home visit this month.  I don't really know what the point of that is, but I guess it's nice.

I have an appointment with my doctor's office in June and I'm really disillusioned by them because they keep being super unprofessional.  I ask them if I had a flu shot and they don't really know.  I don't feel comfortable enough to ask for tests or preventative shots, like for pneumonia and flu shots.  Aren't they supposed to make a record of this sort of thing?  I really care about staying healthy and they are anything but friendly.

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I paid my first student loan payment for 101.15 dollars.  It was not fun.  I want to pay my mom back before I start on my student loans, so this was a downer for me because, it's less money to her and more money to just probably interest.  I want to break the loans down separately because then I can pay back the un-subsidized loans first.  It doesn't really make that much of a difference unless I go back to school, but you never know.  Pay that loan off!  

The bundle I want to pay off after paying my mom the money I owe her (lanyard, but you have to start somewhere)  is the semester I took Communication and Society ( I didn't get this class, all I learned about was when radio started there was a lot of legislation concerning it), Public Address, where we learned the art of persuasion and how to write ad mail, and Creative Writing, in which everything and nothing happened.  (Actually, that's where I got lanyard...)  So newfound compassion for my mom and an appreciation for poetry.  That's what I'll be covering, I suppose.  But it will take a couple more months to pay off my mom.  I still owe her about $1,600.  

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I'm going to hold off on the job search for now.  Until the end of May.  I may venture tentatively into freelancing or call Thrive, and complete this job interview for this company, but these are all just tweaks, in my opinion.  I really feel that I'm terrible at my job.  I'll probably get fired.  But nothing ventured, nothing gained, and I can have a clear conscience that I worked toward paying back my mom. 

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I am trying to go back to the basics with some things.  Going to bed at the same time every night.  (12 am)  Getting up at the same time (8 am)  Not eating a whole lot at night, Exercising...even in the afternoon.   (Ninja's not here to get me going on walks, anymore), and keeping my mind clear.

I want to do a lot more social things, but every time I want to do something with others, I fail. I guess it's because I hit my mom and got a citation and had to go to anger management.  That sort of stuff follows you, however so slight.  I felt really bad about it, I have a lot of remorse, but I can't change the fact that it happened.  It just comes out and kills everyone.  IDK.

I've never been really great with people.  I facebook a lot, so I see a lot of baby and wedding pictures, but rarely make a real connection.  I don't want a whole bunch of friends, and my phone is broken so I've been barely connecting with my mom's cell phone.  So frustrating, but it's a free service, what can you do?

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I've decided to become like all the older unmarried sisters before me and give up on trying to force a relationship out of this dry ground.  So the plan is to do everything, BUT get married and have kids.  I think it's working so far.

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Nothing else going on except work, money, health, and the time/sleep management basics.  I miss my dog.  But I am making do.