Now two people know about this blog! I'll get twice as many visits, I suppose. My cat is so cute and fuzzy. I wish she would cuddle more though. But she's independant, what can I say, like me. Oooh. My hair's curly again. It's because it's summer and I can let it air dry instead of frying it with the hair dryer. Nothing really to talk about. So I'm away, and you'll hear from me next week.

Wow. I'm really excited/nervous about going to the training. Long trip ride. It's going to be crazy. Shopping tomorrow and then staying at the Hamitons. Then we're off at 5 o'clockish a.m. I'm the only sister! Sides the two little people, I'm the only girl. I didn't realize that until the last minute. Sarah was going to come, but she thought she was the only sister, so she found a flight. It's going to be crazy. Ah! But so much fun! I've never driven that far with people I didn't know before. But I do know most of them. My brain isn't working very well, I should stop typing before I type something wierd. I do that. K, toods all.

Well, well, well. Today. I decided to do an inventory of my wardrobe. I am bored out of my mind. Talk about cabin fever. I thought today was Wednesday, and was sooo happy because then I could go to the prayer meeting and then I realized that it was...Tuesday. I'm doing puzzles!!! That's how sad it is. (Which is really good therapy, by the way.) Reading Sherlock Holmes isn't that bad, as well as lieing in the grass that I cut! Oh yeah! Me! and watching clouds, until I become afraid of my annoying and nosy neighbors watching me and having to go inside. Creepy people. I feel...watched. Yes, that's all.

Of course, I could be doing something constructive like looking for a job, and filling out applications...but whenever I even consider it, this weird, lazy Megan takes over and starts doing the thinking for me. It rocks in a way. On the other hand...not really. I just need to get out of this house!

Today I was awakened by a call from someone wanting an interview. Not a coffee house, or some other neat place. No. Sales. Interesting, but I don't know if I want to do it. It's not door-to-door or telemarketing, however, what is it? I can't seem to figure that out. I don't think I'm that interested, but maybe I should do it anyway, just to have a job and some experience for next time I want to get myself a job. It might be fun. We'll see. I need to call more of these places.

Did you know the Coffee Haus is hiring in Fort Worth! I would love to work there. I've always wanted to work at a place that sells coffee, because it's the "cool thing" to do. And just because. But it might be too far away for my mom to drive and my mom might worry because it's in downtown Fort Worth. That's all.

Isn't it wierd how when sometimes someone starts being nice to you the realization comes that they are treating you like the rest of the world. Not that they weren't nice before, it was just different. It's probably me just imagining things again. I do that all the time.

Well, I just ate 3 Jolly Ranchers, and maybe it will keep my poor soul up. I feel yucky on the one hand, because I know it's bad for me to stay up late, but good on the on the other hand because I'm "being a rebel." Funny, I know. But it's the whole "hee, hee, hee" thing. Some people will know what I'm talking about.

Well, I'm job searching/ checking out on the net. I wish I had more than the memory of an ant. I disgust myself sometimes.

Words are so confusing. They seem to mix things up more than they clear them up. But things are mixed up anyway, so perhaps they just reflect their creators. Could be.

By the way folks, in case you didn't realize it, you can now make comments on this! (Thanks to Awesome Megan R.) Just click the comment link under the post.

I'm just posting this to find out if I chose wierd formatting for my site. I should change it. Blech.

Have you ever seen some one and they were so absolutely beautiful you could just die? Yeah. Can't say anything more about that right now, but where did that person even come from? But then you see what's really beautiful, the little kids that person loves and how that person loves, you know, what's inside, how funny that person is, the intricate quirks. It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry, and just *sigh* I can't explain it.

But Oh, God. That happy lump in my throat. I think I'm scared for myself, that I won't be able to behave myself. But I'll give it to the Lord and actually listen to Him. I have trouble listening to Him. Learned something about that today. That I am full of self-pity, and that's not a good thing. Hah. What's the point of wallowing in something so damaging to yourself? And I do it so much. About the not listening thing, I always give something to Him and then turn away, "Ok, Lord, I gave it to You." I don't listen to what He has to say about it, or what He wants to deal with in me. I'd just like to listen more, and find out what He has to say.

Yah! Training in one week! I have this friend Rachel coming down, that I really need to take to a meeting. I'm need to call Anna and find out some phone numbers and maybe find out when a home meeting is. I wish I hadn't lost my school directory.

Well, that's all the poot for today, folks.

Well, here I go again. There's nothing to do. I need to get off the internet and call those peeps that I need to call. And vacumn the living room. What else? I need to...to...oh yeah, write those thank you cards. Hm. Feeling kind of lameish. Everything is blechy. Going to Target for contact solution. My chickens are dancing in the barnyard. I have no idea what that means.

What's a cookie? John said that blogs are cookies. I thought only Macs had cookies. Oh, well. My head is sleepy. Oh! I remembered what it was called-Stream of Consciousness Writing. That's basically what this is. Just whatever comes to mind. All the blah, blah stuff that's floating on the surface. Hah! Cool analogy. Sometimes our surface thoughts are connected to deeper ones...and you guys can't see the C.A., can you? It's too hard to explain...it's like this image in my head that connects, but it's like a half-baked thought because it only connects vaugely. I'll try to show you. It's like the mind is this murky aqua-blue/green water, and there is this log, this deep, emotionally impacting thought resting on the bottom of the lake. You are fishing, and hook this silly, flimsy bit of waterweed sitting on the surface...in other words, a shallow thought. Then you reel it in, expressing in in whatever way you do. It attaches though, and up comes the log, little pieces of alge flake off of it as it comes up, the light shining through the water in a muted way. That last image. That's what I saw. That's why it's so hard to explain, because really the only interesting part is the last part, but it doesn't make sense without the rest. Sigh. My head hurts. Toods.

What am I doing here again? I don't know. It's an evil, evil place. I just feel the need to let my presence be known. I'd rather have my own site, built on the death of another one. He said it wasn't dead, but I don't believe him. It looks pretty dead to me. That gets a sad face. But anyway, 'nough of that. What fun thing to blab about today? Gee, am I a loser? Um, as someone told me point blank, a couple of days ago, I need to get a job. Then I'd stop being so introspective. Crazy. I think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome. I wonder if this is boring to read. I am so funny. This is so wierd, it reminds me of the time in Mrs. Scott's class where we were doing the whole free-writing exercise, or something dumb like that. I should go to bed. But you know what? Totally don't feel like it, so excuse me while I spit in your eye. Ok, that's it with the angst and the muck and the HIEVEN-LAVEN, so I'm toods.

Ok, I'm really, really hungry. I haven't eaten anything today, except for an old piece of french toast smothered with peanut butter. And I don't feel like typing anything more.