Friday night meeting.
It's a Friday...
I revel in the spent week, little moments of glory
Golden-toned
Recieved because I made it through

The taste of Halloween chocolate on my lips,
I recollect the uncomfortable feeling
"What are you going to do tonight?"
Probably nothing, I answer.

I wish I had said...
I am a Christian.

God doesn't want us to celebrate a bunch of holiday's in His name. He wants us to know Him personally as He knows each one of us. Don't you want to know Him? Just call on His name.

But then...
I don't want people to think...
That I am some sort of fanatic...
Which I am.

Sorry, when you fall in love,
That's what happens.

Well, I have a test tomorrow and two tests on thursday, but instead of studying like I should be I'm chatting with Meggie Hunter and attempting to hold a conversation with my brother which goes like this....

spikywires: Hey, are you going to talk to me today?
Derosian: yes
spikywires: K, cool beans. Shoo.
spikywires: i mean shoot.
Derosian: shoo?
Derosian: oh
spikywires: Well?
spikywires: Speak up boy, I can't hear ya'

I'm curious about things back home and he doesn't tend to care or something. Dang it! That hurts my feelings...but oh well...

Fort Stockton was the best conference I have been to ever in my whole life. I loved it and it snowed and everything. Can't think of anything else to tlak about.

Hee hee....except for John. Why isn't he curious about my life whatsoever? I'm his sister, you think he'd be a little bit interested, geez. Most people don't care what thier little brother thinks of them, and I do, dang it! and I wish I didn't. So now that I'm done venting about that I think I'll leave you with a happy thought...

"Old Iron Sides" was a nickname for the U.S.S. Constitution, which was instrumental in fighting on the American Side during the War of 1812.

Weekend again. I just finished this *ugh + shudder* essay. No comment. I'm going to the meeting tonight which is awesome. I hope Sayward found out about the meeting, because I didn't call her. Oh Lord Jesus, I just realized that. Sorry, Say. I keep forgeting things...It's horrible. Maybe because now I have to remember all these things that I used to let my mom mess with. It's all gravy. I'm yearning to go shopping. But I want to be frugal. Maybe Mi-mi can take me shopping at Thrift stores. We can always hope. And YAH! Cookies at Mandy's on Wednesday. I'm sooooo looking foward to that. One more essay to write this weekend. I think I'll write it on Monday. Yah! for weekends and cold weather and making cookies!!!!! And especially Fort Stockton! Hurray!

This weekend... I'm going to Nicole's and the Friday night meeting... then to my dad's to visit with him and John, and Michelle and Eric...and hopefully sign up for the Fort Stockton conference, Lord's-day evening, which I haven't been to in ages, 4 years to be exact. My dad wants to go to the Renassiance (sp?) Festival on Saturday, so that's where I'll be... still one of the kiddos. Hopefully some tennis shoes, a light bulb, a rug, and grocceries will come my way...we can only hope.

(Then when I get to Fort Stockton, I can do a happy dance around a palm tree. It will be good chickens.)

I'm mad at everyone. Why? Because I'm not a part of anyone. I feel so... outside everything. And the things I am in, I'm not satisfied with.

Why is that? Why do I want everything? Sometimes I just want... something. Everything. I just want everything. I want noncholance, I want people to be happy when I walk in the door. I want my own group of people that I can just hang with. I want my own website. I want to erase mistakes. I want to try things and come out unscathed. I want God. I want good grades. I want the food I want, when I want it. I want...

I'm so self-absorbed.

Well guys...I'm really stressed out. I have some serious God things, etc, life decisions to make and no-one I want to talk to (or no-one I think can help me) is there to listen. It seems like no-one cares. Or something along those lines. I'm just in a bad mood ignore my bad moodness. I'm going to make RAmen and read history..."fun" I did something I shouldn't have done because I feel desperate. (Don't worry, nothing detrimental to my health, just probably not right. I just am lonely or something. I wonder if I distance the saints. I don't feel like they care, because maybe I don't care about them, and so they don't care about me. It's the evil circle of not caring....dun, dun, dun.... anyway, this is just mad rambling...toodles all.