Revision #4

Englishious

You are so well written
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lungs, to your larynx, to your luscious lips

You are so well written
Simply single-syllabled
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your fluent lines.

You are so well written
Will you spell it out for me?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?
I anecdote on you.

The computer screen is larger than a ten by ten, silvery little PC moniter, menu, left and right arrow, and select buttons marching along the bottom. That little green indicator light situated next to the line-stabbed circle button, that I suppose is to indicate that the circuit is closed and the power is On. A little cube is in the left-hand corner, cow-marked, as it seems. EV700 is on the right-hand side. "700 what?" I ask myself.

Then to the right of the moniter is two stacks of CD's, one balanced precariously on top of the other, a crumpled yellow strip of paper, a highliter-yellow "hard" plastic water bottle with a blue screw-on lid, a floppy disc, a Ben Harper sticker, a tape, a standing white fan, with dust on the fan cage, a plastic gatorade bottle, some headphones, both speakers, a blue ceramic mug with a spoon in it, and a small purple paper.

It's 5:09 and I should be reading history, and instead I'm talking to Oliver online and checking my mail and basically goofing off, like a little muggle that I am...

If our Christian life is a Little Debbie Snack Cake, then we need to constantly ask, "Where's the Creme Filling?"

Revision of the Poem

You are so well written
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lungs, to your larynx, to your luscious lips

You are so well written
Healthy: I'm impressed by your colon usage
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your fluent lines.

You are so well written
I sound out the words
Will you spell it out for me?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?

Revision of the Poem

You are so well written
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lungs, to your larynx, to your lovely lips

You are so well written
Healthy: I'm impressed by your colon usage
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your fluent lines.

You are so well written
I sound out the words
Will you spell it out for me?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?

I don't feel like writing a darned thing.

I don't like being home. Too many things come to mind. Such as past loves and lingering feelings. Thankfully, time is not a pool, but a river. It keeps on flowing, and things keep growing, and living and dying, passing, while I'm sighing.

I feel beautiful again for some reason. My family loves me, and needs me, while no-one seems to need me alone in my little dorm room, except for Mary, lovely Mary.

Which puts me in another frame of mind. Having groupies is absolutely one of the best feelings in the world. Chai tea hits the spot when it's chilly, and when it's not. The sliption of "smoking a bowl" in the midst, whips a warning at me, though, perhaps.

I wonder why my feelings and thoughts feel more smothered here than they do when I'm alone in my dorm room. Though I speak to few about my deepest thoughts and ideas, they are free, not controlled by the thoughts, moods, emotions, or whims of my guardian and sibling. I learn to speak in a different way and I like it. No more of this, petty arguing, but placid agreement. No forcing, even though that is my personality. Just letting go of things. The ability to disagree instead of smothering one another's opinions.

Chickens.

Clean, clear guitar plaints out of my roomate's speakers, the sky is a tinkly blue, slippery wind, tangling with the treetops, talked to a cat today, Shadows, she listened to my chicken argument, and ignored the persuasive fries, flicked beckoningly by me at the creature.

This was from awhile ago:

A missed bus today saved me from soakage, from a misplaced summer storm. Soft, then hard, then soft, water slipped out of clouds, falling, falling, falling, to splash uncommitingly on my window.

You are written well so
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lips, to your lungs, to your lovely, luscious legs

You are written so well
Healthy: I'm impressed by your colon usage
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your well-written lines.

You are so well written,
Will you spell it out for me?
Can I sound out the words?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?

I miss someone. And I'm really scared about next year. And am really excited about taking Physics classes. And am too involved with my "predictions" of what the Lord might do, or should do. Just have to give it ta' the Lord. He knows.

Well, everything's gravy, guys. I'm going to register for classes tomorrow. Physics, Calculus, U.S History, Speech (?) and Canoeing, I think. If Nicole doesn't take canoeing I think take a dance class for a PFW.

I'm talking to my step-cuz. She's awesome! Much love ta' Belinda.

Well, I was thinking of trying a little experiment because I'm such a whiny baby and can't handle it when people don't like me or offend me...but then at the same time, I don't have a problem...I don't get it. Never mind, if I don't understand I definitely can't make you guys understand.

Well, I'm eating leftover spagetti, and I almost cried again in the meeting tonight, but I...didn't let it happen. I suppose it was a hardening, but at least I didn't bust out. Gee, you'd think that I'd be over the whole dumb crying thing by now. That's a whole lot of weekends to cry randomly.

You know it's weird...I feel most comfy around those families that nag and stuff...it's just more like home, I guess, and I never, ever, in my whole life thought that I would miss that, but then I run into it, and I just want to get into this massive pillow fight and beat all of my frustrations away.

Would you believe I can barely walk without total pain jolting through my legs and butt? Or that I turn but a half a centimeter and my torso is wracked with conversive torture? Well, that's the price you pay for not working out and then going randomly one Saturday and helping win the PowderPuff football tournament. Nobody else seems to think it's important, but my body won't let me forget my triumph.

Friday night meeting.
It's a Friday...
I revel in the spent week, little moments of glory
Golden-toned
Recieved because I made it through

The taste of Halloween chocolate on my lips,
I recollect the uncomfortable feeling
"What are you going to do tonight?"
Probably nothing, I answer.

I wish I had said...
I am a Christian.

God doesn't want us to celebrate a bunch of holiday's in His name. He wants us to know Him personally as He knows each one of us. Don't you want to know Him? Just call on His name.

But then...
I don't want people to think...
That I am some sort of fanatic...
Which I am.

Sorry, when you fall in love,
That's what happens.

Well, I have a test tomorrow and two tests on thursday, but instead of studying like I should be I'm chatting with Meggie Hunter and attempting to hold a conversation with my brother which goes like this....

spikywires: Hey, are you going to talk to me today?
Derosian: yes
spikywires: K, cool beans. Shoo.
spikywires: i mean shoot.
Derosian: shoo?
Derosian: oh
spikywires: Well?
spikywires: Speak up boy, I can't hear ya'

I'm curious about things back home and he doesn't tend to care or something. Dang it! That hurts my feelings...but oh well...

Fort Stockton was the best conference I have been to ever in my whole life. I loved it and it snowed and everything. Can't think of anything else to tlak about.

Hee hee....except for John. Why isn't he curious about my life whatsoever? I'm his sister, you think he'd be a little bit interested, geez. Most people don't care what thier little brother thinks of them, and I do, dang it! and I wish I didn't. So now that I'm done venting about that I think I'll leave you with a happy thought...

"Old Iron Sides" was a nickname for the U.S.S. Constitution, which was instrumental in fighting on the American Side during the War of 1812.

Weekend again. I just finished this *ugh + shudder* essay. No comment. I'm going to the meeting tonight which is awesome. I hope Sayward found out about the meeting, because I didn't call her. Oh Lord Jesus, I just realized that. Sorry, Say. I keep forgeting things...It's horrible. Maybe because now I have to remember all these things that I used to let my mom mess with. It's all gravy. I'm yearning to go shopping. But I want to be frugal. Maybe Mi-mi can take me shopping at Thrift stores. We can always hope. And YAH! Cookies at Mandy's on Wednesday. I'm sooooo looking foward to that. One more essay to write this weekend. I think I'll write it on Monday. Yah! for weekends and cold weather and making cookies!!!!! And especially Fort Stockton! Hurray!

This weekend... I'm going to Nicole's and the Friday night meeting... then to my dad's to visit with him and John, and Michelle and Eric...and hopefully sign up for the Fort Stockton conference, Lord's-day evening, which I haven't been to in ages, 4 years to be exact. My dad wants to go to the Renassiance (sp?) Festival on Saturday, so that's where I'll be... still one of the kiddos. Hopefully some tennis shoes, a light bulb, a rug, and grocceries will come my way...we can only hope.

(Then when I get to Fort Stockton, I can do a happy dance around a palm tree. It will be good chickens.)

I'm mad at everyone. Why? Because I'm not a part of anyone. I feel so... outside everything. And the things I am in, I'm not satisfied with.

Why is that? Why do I want everything? Sometimes I just want... something. Everything. I just want everything. I want noncholance, I want people to be happy when I walk in the door. I want my own group of people that I can just hang with. I want my own website. I want to erase mistakes. I want to try things and come out unscathed. I want God. I want good grades. I want the food I want, when I want it. I want...

I'm so self-absorbed.

Well guys...I'm really stressed out. I have some serious God things, etc, life decisions to make and no-one I want to talk to (or no-one I think can help me) is there to listen. It seems like no-one cares. Or something along those lines. I'm just in a bad mood ignore my bad moodness. I'm going to make RAmen and read history..."fun" I did something I shouldn't have done because I feel desperate. (Don't worry, nothing detrimental to my health, just probably not right. I just am lonely or something. I wonder if I distance the saints. I don't feel like they care, because maybe I don't care about them, and so they don't care about me. It's the evil circle of not caring....dun, dun, dun.... anyway, this is just mad rambling...toodles all.

I'm here. Alive. Went to the coffee house with Mary (my roomie) and watched open mic night and met her band friends. That was gravy. Went to the meeting tonight. Am excited about the college conf. And getting money. From my job. And FINALLY getting a bank account. I'm going to work on budgeting and all that gravy mess. I should pack a lunch tommorrow. I think I will for the Bib. stud, even though it will be gross. Oh, well, at least I'll have something to eat. Yum.
Much love to all.

Howdy. Today was good. Alg. Brit. Lit. Work at Library. Good times. Now I have to figure out what I'm doing this weekend. HYPERVENTALATION. Yeah, ok.

I've started the idea. But it takes a lot of work, because I'm trying to make it funny.

Butt-load of work, but at least all my tests are over with. (Hallelujah!)

I don't know what's going on with the church life. We'll see.

Ate dinner with Thad. I just thought I'd mention him, because I think he's probably the closest thing I've ever had to an actual guy friend before. He's amusing.

Stucky (I hope that's how it's spelt) and I are going to have a thing where we sing church songs on Thursday in the rec room. It's cool and gravy. I'm going to enjoy it. Oh Lord Jesus, I just give You Megan S..

My dad called and that was depressing. Don't know what I'm doing this weekend. Staying here I guess. I could sooo disappear into the fog here. Just melt into the crowd, forget/lose contact with all the people I used to know. Interesting.

I should probably go to bed so I don't continue to ramble on about stupid stuff. 'Night, all.

I'm going to do it! my idea...I'm going to do it then tell you when I think it's gravy enough for ya'll to see it.

Well folks. I don't understand what's going on in my spiritual life. Things are... different. Changing, I suppose.

I want to hook up with some family-families, like people with kids. I love kids. Hopefully Priscilla can come with Katie and me to the garage sale on Saterday. It's neat because she lives so close. She's going to be "my high-schooler" I think. I worry about her. BGR, you know. I hope nothing's going on.

-It is soo freezing in the library! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I'm freezing my butt off! Well really just skin cells. I wonder if you can freeze skin cells... I really am starting to sound like Rachel now. :-D Hee, hee, hee. Cold, cold, cold! And that's all I can think about. I'm going to go study now folks.

Hello, sorry that some thought my last post sounded kind of down. Twasn't meant to be. Things are good. :-D Going to study with Scoles (Nicole Snider) at 4 and that should be interesting. I should be studying instead of slacking off, I should be calling my contact, and calling Lauren, and Rachel and Mehreen, but the more I should be doing something the more I don't....I ammmmmmmmmm a stinker. :-( Not good. Oh, well.

Played ultimate frisbee on Friday...I'm not that bad. Spent the weekend at my sister's house. That was...interesting. Well, I'll chat with you folks later.

Much love, from The Meggers.

Well, today's been a long day. Monday's my easy day and Wednesday is aptly named "hump day" in my case. So busy with this and that. I'm tired like a mug. But I'm so dang proud of myself! I did that stupid chart that Mr. W. was getting all mad at us about, because he told us while none of us were listening. Ah! Quiz tommorrow...I'm a-fered.

I love, love my idea...but don't want to put the effort into it. Too much trouble. But it's so cool! (I argue with myself.) Maybe if I get my own comp, I'll do it, but before then...don't count on it.

By the way, I hate you all for not coming to my site and putting comments on it. :-(

Hey folks, what's shakin'? Nuthing much going on here. Went to lots of meetings, considering how many I usually don't go to...sort of. But there are more here, anyway.

Spent some time with the pops and the kiddos. That was ok, but they are busy with their life and I am busy with mine. Finally got the books I needed, well, three of them. Just two more and my quest is ended.

Oh, and I have an idea, but not the resources nor time to carry it out. Look out for more updates on the "idea" later. :-)

I'ts been pretty full ever since I got back from Arlington.

That last sentence sounds weird. But it has been. I slept. Then woke up and went to class and then work and then class and then meeting and then slept and then class and then work and then bible study and then work and then I end up here.

I'm going to learn how to belly dance at 8. Don't worry, it's just a couple of us chicas. Then go to call people with Katie. She's so cute. She calls me her freshie. Or something along those lines.

I'm home now. Weirdness. The mother unit is nagging-ish. Leave my hair alone, woman! It looks freakin' awesome. I like it. I'm going to grow it long and curly and become a hippie.

Wanted: New Shoes. Seeking sole-mate. Free-toe expression desired. Comfortable around feet a must.

I'm all tannish and stuff. Except it's just my arms and my head. Did I tell you guys that I chopped my hair off? I'm in Arlington. I'm just so pumped about doing college work. Except that I have to do some sort of volunteer work for the University Seminar, the freshie class. Dude, how am I going to get there? Dude. It's not cool. Dude. (Just wanted to add one more "dude" for emphasis. ;-) )

So. I'm bored with being here. If there was decent food, I'd be good with it, but it's pretty much what I can make at my dorm. At least I had Eggos and popsicles. That's a pleasure.

Yah, first day of classes over! I'm happy. College is fun, I think to myself, until later, when all the stress and papers start! Crazy, 'tis. Helped pass out tracts today. That was good, but then it got sweaty and that was not good. I enjoyed it, however. Going home this weekend with Anna. Should be good times overall. Weird going home so soon after I've just got here, but It think it'll be good, because I've forgotten some stuff and Mom says she misses me. ;-) K, much love to all.

Yo, folks. I'm a college kid now.

College things: my arms are sore from playing volleyball, and my legs are extra sore from walking up hills. Not having a roomate is lonely. Most people are nice, but you have to watch out for the occasional weirdo mixed in with the rest. I'm working on a fro. *grin* Classes start tomorrow.

Hey there folks. I'm at the University. Moved into the dorm and everything. It's cool. Well, steaming actually, because I'm airconditionerless. Sad, yes, cheap, also yes. But all the peeps in my dorm seem really nice, even if they are kind of strange. ;-) Everything in my dorm is pretty and organized. I'm going to have to call moms so she knows I'm ok. Call John too, and berate him for not saying "Bye" to me. Nerd-face. Oh, well. Now I just have to endure PAWS preview, and classes start and I'm officially a college student. Sweet! Well, much love to all, I'm out.

I had a post that I was going to create between the last two posts I made. It was something like...disregard the previous post, I was just trying to be poetic...and whoever visits this site, please leave a comment because I'd love to see who you are, and who visits (if anyone). So drop me a "hi!" by clicking on the comments link. Thanks a bundle. I'm leaving tomorrow! Wowers.

Bwah-ha-ha! I should be in bed! But I can't sleep. I'm leaving in two days! Wednesday, to be precise. It's wierd. I'm getting sooooooo many hugs from everyone. Weird. But in a cool way. Tomorrow I'm going to finish packing and go to the home meeting, and hopefully bring Adrien. I can't believe I'm doing this last minute, but it'd be on my conscience forever if I didn't try to bring him to at least one meeting. I hope he can come and that he enjoys it. The Lord is faithful to carry out His economy and Adrien is open and seeking. So that is good.

Can't think of anything else to say. I hope I can get on soon. Me dad's is giving me his laptop, and we have free ethernet (whatever that is) so it's just a matter of getting the right cable to hook them up. Well, my cat needs me to let her inside, so it's toods for me folks, much love to all.

I wonder.
I can see you coming to stare with wistful, hoping eyes.
(Wait, that's me.)
Staring with dark eyes, because that's all I know.
Hoping to see what was put on the shelf.
To make sure the jam hasn't gotten moldy.

Hah. Fun how when you write, things you didn't think of just pop out. Yah! I think I'm going to be poem-writing again. I feel it....I'm longing to create something new and fresh. Reading through old writings inspires me. Plus the menagerie of emotions floating around my mind. It's rather required. So that's all, my dear friends, all that I'm going to write here, I mean.

Just got back from all the homes that we are recieved into as a perk of T.S. Fun, galore. Statement one: I'm not comfy with the girls. Kind of a thinker there, but I'm going to try NOT to think about it. It doesn't bother me that much, because I'm older than them. Been thinking and I don't know if I can handle high school. Maybe I should do elementry, or something. Age 8 and 9, because I love that age. It's awesome like a mug. People who deal with high schoolers/junior highers have to be "cool" and I don't fit into that category. So I should just stay in my little comfort zone. Or 6th graders. They are soo cute. :-) Statement two: It's so awesome that I feel comfy inviting people over w/out it being a big deal. Isn't that neat? It's all Rachel's fault for coming over randomly. I love that insane girl. Statement three: Can't really tell people this, because nobody cares like I do, and they'd all be like..."Uhhhhh....." (sometimes people are such idiots). I was sooo proud of little David, because he stood up in the meeting. He's usually all quiet and he still was, but he said something, and I'm massively proud of Nathan for encouraging him. They are so sweet, I love them to death.

Yah! Today was fun like a big house with stairs. Whirly ball. Anna hurt herself, or rather the whiplash from being bumped into a million peices hurt her. I don't feel like chatting away at this, so I shan't toods. Much love, Meggers.

Just woke up from a nap. Felt...pretty good. My neck hurts though. Whine, whine, wah, wah. My hair is pretty and reddish and curly. Yah! I like my conditioner. My mom is crazy. Ok, I obviously don't have anything normal to say so I think I'm going to stop pretending that I do. That's all.

I almost deleted that person again. But then I decided I had to apologize, even though that person was being the jerky one. I wasn't being nice... but still. Hung out with Anna, Margie, Abby. Was fun. Benson fam. is craziness incarnate. Awesome how each of them are unique. I have to find myself a family in Austin. Want some little kiddos to play with. Tired. Annoyed. Happy, in a way. Sleepy feeling. I need to figure out what to wear tomorrow. I don't have many clothes that I like to wear. I'm afraid of being a ho. There's always something wrong with my shirts. Can't find something comfy. Need to go shopping, but yeah right, like that's ever going to happen. Had to take care of the deposit on my dorm and John's truth school, and all this other stuff.

Hm. Meeting tonight. Was good, I suppose. I wish we had more praying and singing. I just want to enjoy the Lord. Maybe I should take the lead? Or something. I don't know. I'm going to be gone in a couple of weeks anyway. Don't really have anything to blab about. Talk later.

I'd just like to say...There is this one person who always complains about not having any friends, well, here's why. (Oh, and this isn't the person who will think that it is them. Don't be silly.)

1. Because you are a jerk. No-one wants to be friends with a jerk. Duh.

2. Because you are a user. You don't care who you're with as long as you are with someone.

3. You don't care about other people, period! You just care about what other people think of you.

Well, that's why. Now you know.

Today. Is a day. I'm so glad. It's a day. And...

I went to the doctor and he looked in my ears and my mouth, listened to me breath and then declared that I needed more medicine. *sigh* I'd rather not mess with that. I feel better already. Oh well. Some one please, please, please inspire me to do something! I'm lost when it comes to making myself attack that "To do" list in my head. No inspirational speeches, no fun ideas, I don't want to give it any thought processes, because I know it's not "due tomorrow."

Nothing more to babble (whine) about, so toods til' later.

Hello there. I think I'm not so sick anymore. I took a monsterous sleep today and I feel ever so much better. :-) My head is still hot, but I can feel the difference with my hands so I don't have a fever.

One of the awesome things I realized from the training was that the outer man consists of your soul, with your body as the organ through which it is expressed. The inner man consists of your spirit with your soul as the organ through which it is expressed. This makes so much sense. It makes the difference between the Self and Christ so easy to visualize. Woo-hoo for the training!

Back from the training. I think some constituting went on. Thank You, Lord.

Crazy fun on the road trip. Lots of fun with Mr. Long-time-no-see, Creepy Guy, Little Simmy, Rad Chad, Mrs. Peggy, Rebeleka, and Listina. Good times, overall. The hedgehog is Mason and the armadillo is Rad, blood is thicker than water, and a "hot" jolly rancher plus a fireball is not very hot at all. Don't ask. Zat's all folks.

Now two people know about this blog! I'll get twice as many visits, I suppose. My cat is so cute and fuzzy. I wish she would cuddle more though. But she's independant, what can I say, like me. Oooh. My hair's curly again. It's because it's summer and I can let it air dry instead of frying it with the hair dryer. Nothing really to talk about. So I'm away, and you'll hear from me next week.

Wow. I'm really excited/nervous about going to the training. Long trip ride. It's going to be crazy. Shopping tomorrow and then staying at the Hamitons. Then we're off at 5 o'clockish a.m. I'm the only sister! Sides the two little people, I'm the only girl. I didn't realize that until the last minute. Sarah was going to come, but she thought she was the only sister, so she found a flight. It's going to be crazy. Ah! But so much fun! I've never driven that far with people I didn't know before. But I do know most of them. My brain isn't working very well, I should stop typing before I type something wierd. I do that. K, toods all.

Well, well, well. Today. I decided to do an inventory of my wardrobe. I am bored out of my mind. Talk about cabin fever. I thought today was Wednesday, and was sooo happy because then I could go to the prayer meeting and then I realized that it was...Tuesday. I'm doing puzzles!!! That's how sad it is. (Which is really good therapy, by the way.) Reading Sherlock Holmes isn't that bad, as well as lieing in the grass that I cut! Oh yeah! Me! and watching clouds, until I become afraid of my annoying and nosy neighbors watching me and having to go inside. Creepy people. I feel...watched. Yes, that's all.

Of course, I could be doing something constructive like looking for a job, and filling out applications...but whenever I even consider it, this weird, lazy Megan takes over and starts doing the thinking for me. It rocks in a way. On the other hand...not really. I just need to get out of this house!

Today I was awakened by a call from someone wanting an interview. Not a coffee house, or some other neat place. No. Sales. Interesting, but I don't know if I want to do it. It's not door-to-door or telemarketing, however, what is it? I can't seem to figure that out. I don't think I'm that interested, but maybe I should do it anyway, just to have a job and some experience for next time I want to get myself a job. It might be fun. We'll see. I need to call more of these places.

Did you know the Coffee Haus is hiring in Fort Worth! I would love to work there. I've always wanted to work at a place that sells coffee, because it's the "cool thing" to do. And just because. But it might be too far away for my mom to drive and my mom might worry because it's in downtown Fort Worth. That's all.

Isn't it wierd how when sometimes someone starts being nice to you the realization comes that they are treating you like the rest of the world. Not that they weren't nice before, it was just different. It's probably me just imagining things again. I do that all the time.

Well, I just ate 3 Jolly Ranchers, and maybe it will keep my poor soul up. I feel yucky on the one hand, because I know it's bad for me to stay up late, but good on the on the other hand because I'm "being a rebel." Funny, I know. But it's the whole "hee, hee, hee" thing. Some people will know what I'm talking about.

Well, I'm job searching/ checking out on the net. I wish I had more than the memory of an ant. I disgust myself sometimes.

Words are so confusing. They seem to mix things up more than they clear them up. But things are mixed up anyway, so perhaps they just reflect their creators. Could be.

By the way folks, in case you didn't realize it, you can now make comments on this! (Thanks to Awesome Megan R.) Just click the comment link under the post.

I'm just posting this to find out if I chose wierd formatting for my site. I should change it. Blech.

Have you ever seen some one and they were so absolutely beautiful you could just die? Yeah. Can't say anything more about that right now, but where did that person even come from? But then you see what's really beautiful, the little kids that person loves and how that person loves, you know, what's inside, how funny that person is, the intricate quirks. It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry, and just *sigh* I can't explain it.

But Oh, God. That happy lump in my throat. I think I'm scared for myself, that I won't be able to behave myself. But I'll give it to the Lord and actually listen to Him. I have trouble listening to Him. Learned something about that today. That I am full of self-pity, and that's not a good thing. Hah. What's the point of wallowing in something so damaging to yourself? And I do it so much. About the not listening thing, I always give something to Him and then turn away, "Ok, Lord, I gave it to You." I don't listen to what He has to say about it, or what He wants to deal with in me. I'd just like to listen more, and find out what He has to say.

Yah! Training in one week! I have this friend Rachel coming down, that I really need to take to a meeting. I'm need to call Anna and find out some phone numbers and maybe find out when a home meeting is. I wish I hadn't lost my school directory.

Well, that's all the poot for today, folks.

Well, here I go again. There's nothing to do. I need to get off the internet and call those peeps that I need to call. And vacumn the living room. What else? I need to...to...oh yeah, write those thank you cards. Hm. Feeling kind of lameish. Everything is blechy. Going to Target for contact solution. My chickens are dancing in the barnyard. I have no idea what that means.

What's a cookie? John said that blogs are cookies. I thought only Macs had cookies. Oh, well. My head is sleepy. Oh! I remembered what it was called-Stream of Consciousness Writing. That's basically what this is. Just whatever comes to mind. All the blah, blah stuff that's floating on the surface. Hah! Cool analogy. Sometimes our surface thoughts are connected to deeper ones...and you guys can't see the C.A., can you? It's too hard to explain...it's like this image in my head that connects, but it's like a half-baked thought because it only connects vaugely. I'll try to show you. It's like the mind is this murky aqua-blue/green water, and there is this log, this deep, emotionally impacting thought resting on the bottom of the lake. You are fishing, and hook this silly, flimsy bit of waterweed sitting on the surface...in other words, a shallow thought. Then you reel it in, expressing in in whatever way you do. It attaches though, and up comes the log, little pieces of alge flake off of it as it comes up, the light shining through the water in a muted way. That last image. That's what I saw. That's why it's so hard to explain, because really the only interesting part is the last part, but it doesn't make sense without the rest. Sigh. My head hurts. Toods.

What am I doing here again? I don't know. It's an evil, evil place. I just feel the need to let my presence be known. I'd rather have my own site, built on the death of another one. He said it wasn't dead, but I don't believe him. It looks pretty dead to me. That gets a sad face. But anyway, 'nough of that. What fun thing to blab about today? Gee, am I a loser? Um, as someone told me point blank, a couple of days ago, I need to get a job. Then I'd stop being so introspective. Crazy. I think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome. I wonder if this is boring to read. I am so funny. This is so wierd, it reminds me of the time in Mrs. Scott's class where we were doing the whole free-writing exercise, or something dumb like that. I should go to bed. But you know what? Totally don't feel like it, so excuse me while I spit in your eye. Ok, that's it with the angst and the muck and the HIEVEN-LAVEN, so I'm toods.

Ok, I'm really, really hungry. I haven't eaten anything today, except for an old piece of french toast smothered with peanut butter. And I don't feel like typing anything more.