Everything's the Worst that it Could Be

Yesterday I was supposed to do a lot of things, I didn't.  I sort of promised God. 

So today, when I woke up in the morning, it was like a miracle.  I never wake up in the morning so clearly, so when I decided to go back to bed it was a denouement.  I woke up around 4 in the afternoon.  You just have to know my previous history of frustration and not being able to get up in the mornings. 

I would berate myself all day for not waking up and then the next day sleep late all over again.  I think the worst part of it was that it was inexplicable and I couldn't control it.  I slept in and missed appointments and worse.  I even chose classes so I could sleep in the morning. 

Getting real, people. 

So today was like a dissapiontment, that I couldn't stay up in the morning, but went back to bed. 

And there was homework that I could only do at the school, so as soon as possible I went and "amazing" finished most of my work. There was a baby there, too. I don't know about how I feel about babies, but I'm 31 and my biology is ticking.  Kind of made me sad, but a little happy, too. 

So on the way home, my mom and I argued, as usual, everything got tight and frustrated and I sort of realized how little people care or love me.  Also the two facedness of everyone.  I go to the bathroom and punch the wall three times.  My mother's voice is like a whining mosquito in my ear and I plug my ears not have to listen to her. How stuck I was in my situation was made clear.  31 year old woman, living at home.  Not brave or motivated enough to say hello to a mouse.  No previous contacts that could or were willing to help her. 

I come home, do the dishes, and start crying and kind of this weird little moaning.   I don't know what that all was about, but I was glad when it was over. 

I call a sister, but she calls back and has to go after a minute. 

And now I'm drinking coffee again.  One of my worst bad habits I'm trying to get over.  Everything is the worst that it could be.