Goal #2, Part 2

I keep longing for the safe warm embrace of a large organization.  Is that weird?  I feel like my mom and my dad don't even recognize me as a person unless I'm a part of something big.  Kind of sucks. 

Well, that's what I'm talking about.  If I stop going to school, who's going to shelter the dickens out of me and annoy the dickens out of me, you know who you are! 

My dog is scrabbling around with her little claws, licking the floor carefully, trying to get the scent of a decent master.  She usually does not find me. 

And here, I am clicking away at an empty computer screen.  People gotta express if you know what I mean.  Gotta find the one.  The one reader to rule them all. 

Anys.  I've got this December window, where I can change my mind about school and go back.  I felt good about the English classes, like I had room to learn there.  Then I prayed about it and felt ok about everything but Trig.  I looked up tutoring for Trig and Bio and there is such.   Positive outlook. 

However, will I learn the things I'm supposed to?  Spying and deception?  Conversation and the art of seduction?  Probably never.  I will "mom" my way through life, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't join in on the conversation every once in a while. 

I'm going to give it some time.  Until the end of the December.  If I'm just going crazy by then and can't stand my mom or the house...I'll know.  It's for my sanity to get out.  Even though that probably could be satisfied by a job...

There's so many factors involved:  . 

Me, my health:  I, myself, went through a whole mental thing the first two weeks of classes, making me miss everything and certainly fail one class and probably fail another, doing wreckage to my gpa and consequently ruining me getting into graduate school.  Like I would know what to do with myself.  lol.  I'm just a lowly writer who has no control over what she writes.  At least I have fans!  

I have enough money/student loans to get me through 6 classes (or more) of UTA to finish this mutherfluffer.  I think that's mainly on my mind, but I get in with the students and they are just delightful!  I wish I wasn't such a mom and that I could be a more awesome student.  They have remedial writing and reading, I wish they had remedial conversation and public speaking.  But They say you only take away what you don't learn in college.  So that means I'm taking away a lot. 

My support and family is low.  I sort of quit going to counseling.  It was too easy for me. I'd go there, spew whatever was bugging me and it was a safe environment for me to talk, but I think I have too many problems that can't be fixed by therapy.  I almost felt like I couldn't burden him, alone with all the stuff I have to manage.  I know I know that's for what they are there. 

So I should go work on goal #1, instead of ruminating.  I shall forthwith dispense.  Adieu.