Goal #1, Part 3

So I check out my text, the interview with Gail Simone and there's just a smidgen of ham in there, with mostly spam.  I'm panicking.  Should I just quit, should I just quit?  Is a major theme, like the little engine that could, chug-a-chug, in my brain.  I think about going in and complaining to my mom about my problems, maybe get some sympathy points there, but I resist.  I don't want to complain. 

My thesis is set upon the fact that sexism is alive in the comic book industry.  However, in her interview she states twice that sexism is not the issue.  Ignorance and a lack of care are the issue. 

I don't see how to write an essay on this.  Am I supposed to pull from various sources?  I can do that.  I don't see how to write an essay on this as a textual narrative though.  I'm not sure where to begin. 

Essay Guidelines, of course. 

"3 page essay analyzing some aspect of the text as life narrative relating to women’s work."

I check out the Narrative Smith and Watson reading and I find that I really didn't read it as carefully so that it would stick with me, but just jotted down title heads, to make notes. I'll have to re-read the texts and find things that could help me analyze the text.  I wish I started sooner, but I have until Tuesday.  2 more days.  Very full days.  There was that nap earlier, so maybe I'll stay up doing this. 

This is going to be really, really difficult.  For a class I'm already failing.  Personal satisfaction?  ACE.  I know most of this is boring as stone to ya'll, but sometimes the battle is inside. 

So, I jot down some notes from Smith and Weston's Reading Autobiography and flip through the interview, seeing if any dots connect, or ideas match up. 

6:11 pm. 

Hit another road block.   I have the ideas, the concepts, the bare bones down, but none of the flowery creative stuff that we writer's like to call ether.  It's like trying to build the White House with toothpicks.  And not a model to scale, but the real thing.  I've hit writer's block, I'm drawing a blank.

Scary thing for a writer, to run out of words.  or just new material, or old recycled material that doesn't mean anything.  But this is less cruel than "We just don't want you."  It's more like "You are unable."  Which is absolutely not true.  I am able.  I've already fought the "We just don't want you" enemies, I have barely begun to define or fight this "you are unable."  It's like being in a solid white sinkhole.  You can't climb up the sides, because the stuff's just too soft and it's like putty.  You're not over anything, but you're not under anything either.  That's just how it feels.  Like you're in the woods and it's softly snowing and there isn't any sound but the wind, blowing over your cold soon to be corpse of a body that you have hidden in this snow cave you dug to wait for your rescuers. 

ok taking a mandatory break.  it's the witching hour! 

8.33 pm

Back and feel like a stuffed baked potato.  Really feeling bad about not doing that stuff I was supposed to do, today. I don't have an excuse, really. 

Strong I don't want to do anythings, pushing at me.  

I feel like I prepare to the middle, whence then I start to dismantle all that which I have pared.  It makes a nice tent, but there's no substance. 

I'm grumpy and lonely for people.  I just want to stuff my face with people.  I know that sounds weird, but I think everyone out there wants community and relationships. 

-narrowed eyes- We both look pregnant.  You know who you are.  lol.  

I think I have to get less gross.  This is kind of hard to do....

Anyway.  The thing is.  I am absolutely convinced that I cannot write this essay as of right now.  But at the same time.  I want to play with it.  edit the bonkers out of it.  I'm too sober editor, less drunk writer.   

Probably because the Lord is editing me out of the church life!!!!! DUN, DUN, DUN.  I don't believe he'd ever do that, but He did mention something called outer darkness.  I just feel dumb when there's these people who are super spiritual and, I recognize something they do from the Bible, and it's like I've known these guys for years...(Paul, Matthew, Peter and John), and I think they are superb.  Try some grey poupon? 

Super editor turned on.  What do I do with that? 

I think I'm going to bed.