Coraline

Coraline is a cute kids movie which teaches lessons about strength and courage and resilence in the face of danger. Most kids now a day's don't really go through adventures, therefore the movie is quite entertaining... a visual adventure.

I'm not finished with it yet, but soon will know the ending, which I'm sure is a happy one. We should have more movies like this out, attempting to show kids humility and agreeableness regardless of how "bad" or "boring" their lives are. It also teaches thankfulness.

What are you thankful for?

Love,
Megan

Two Girls One Cup

First a word of caution... don't see it. And if you do see it, I'm sorry because it has be indelibly burned into your memory. You know what I'm talking about.

So today was nice. I went to a yogurt house and it had so many flavors. Even tart lechee, which I would highly recommend as delicious to all. It may be my new favorite fruit. I didn't get lechee, however... what is more delicious than this amazing fruit? Cheesecake! Super amazing. I love yogurt houses so much that I'm going to marry them when I grow up. Lovely.

Oh, the dog's puking, i gotta go.

Until next time.
Megan

Grandmothers

This blog will highlight grandmothers. Since I have just recently added them to my mailing list. Not everyone has them and I'm lucky to be blessed with two very awesome grandmothers, Grandma Coker and Grandma Vaught.

One has taught me to be hard on the outside and soft on the inside. To not let go of sorrow, because that's what makes us human.

The other has taught me to be tough and loving. To keep busy, regardless of the situation. Not to let sorrow overcome you.

All in all, valuable lessons to learn. Thanks to both of you.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

I got absolutely nothing done today. I am completely ashamed. I was planning on making tortillas. Yes. Tortillas. But instead, I mucked about on the internet and did much of nothing.

That's ok, I'm alright with it.

Which leads me to the question of the day: What is your favorite food to make? Like some people like to eat a certain food, but say you are making some food which you have fun making or that other people enjoy... how does making it bring you pleasure?

I like making pork chops because I know everyone enjoys them. I cooked them last week and found that they are hard to make because of the wait...you flip em over....and then wait some more. It takes forever! But still the end project was awesome, because they all were eaten quickly and with savor.

That brings me to the topic of grudges. Don't hold them, they hold you back from experiencing new things.

That is all.

Much love,
Cinnamon and other spices,
Megan

Big Red and Big Proclamation

Big Red. What can I say but no, no, and no. It's main premise is it's color. Not taste. Not thirst quenchingness. Not health. This drink is instead famous for it's color, red. It's taste is of an old sock drenched in cherries and sprite. At least they try to give it a taste, second to the overwhelming taste of red dye. I'll stick to my sprite or coke any day.

I know this will come as a shock and a disappointment to many of you. I really don't think I'm getting a job any time soon. I don't really have an excuse other than I am completely comfortable living at my mom's house and enjoying sleeping in every day. I don't have any passion, as far as a career is concerned, so no direction there. If anyone has any ideas for motivation... it's not as if I'm going to be kicked out on my tail if I don't get a job. That's my big proclamation.

Either way, we're going to have to get some better drinks up in here. Big Red, puh.

Thoughts on God

There's perks to believing in God. That's what I've been reading in Watchman Nee's book. There's grace and mercy. As he says, grace is in the place where there is the most sin. Which touched me the most. Because thinking about all the things I've done, all the people I've associated with and all the darkness around me, that God was there, giving me grace through all of that... is amazing. They say as you get older you appreciate God more and I believe that is true.

Weekly Hymn

"If you wish to let Him in, you just call upon His name,
You just call upon His name and let Him in
Call His name, call His name,
Call His name, call His name,
You just call upon His name and let Him in."

I like this song because it focuses on the fundamentals. Calling and finding and opening. I find that calling on the lord is nice because I can do it anytime, in my head privately to the Lord. And I don't have to open so big, but just big enough for a little of the person of the Lord to come in.

Today the Mormons are Coming

I don't know what to say to them. Should I be all like I don't believe in your religion... I feel like there should be people screaming and throwing things. "The Mormons are coming, the MORMONS are coming!"

They came, I saw, I conquered. I totally told them, I just wasn't interesting. It was horrible and great. Because they are spiritual in a sense, even if their religion was total bunk.

I just have this horrible habit of being nice...or to be more specific of doing the easy thing. Like letting Mormons run over me. Next time I'll use some spiritual karate. "If anyone adds one iota..."

Coffee

I love coffee. The coffee I have now leaves residue in the cup and is instant, but it still has that coffee flavor and smell. I think it reminds me of my grandmother's house where there was always abundant coffee and how my grandparents had a morning routine of getting up, reading the news and drinking coffee. I'm sure my grandmother still does it to this day.

Coffee inspires me and I hope it inspires you.

Banana News

The banana gun robber, concealed his "weapon" under his shirt. This seventeen year old found that the weapon also makes a tasty and nutritious snack as he ate the banana before the police showed up. Quote from the BBC News "'If he had a gun he would have shot me,' Mr Mabe told the Winston-Salem Journal newspaper. 'But he had a banana.'"

That's how I would rob a store. With a lonely banana. They are dangerous, at least as far as 80 year old hips and slips go.

Dogs are great.

Dogs are great. The actually can run with you and they aren't seeking to find a place to hide like with a cat.

And they actually have a personality.

I'm applying to jobs out the wazoo... so I better be having a job soon. I get impatient. But like all things it takes time and anyway patience comes from the lord. Except for people who are naturally patient. They need God's impatience.

Anyway. I love your e-mails. I bask in them, like a sea lion in the sun.

Nada.

Which is Spanish for nothing, which is what I've done today.

I actually finished watching Red vs Blue, of which my favorite character is still Lopez. Well, Lopez's head actually. I can't really keep track of the other characters anyway, they blend into a mesh of stupidity. I especially was bothered by the character Caboose. He just got irritating towards the end. Watching it made me remember a love of the old things though. After watching so many cop shows which just emphasized sex, drugs and debachery, Red vs Blue focused on the more important things in life, such as time travel and talking bombs and aliens.

I feel a little more fulfilled just by watching it.

Music

I just discovered Jason Mraz. He is lovely. A little Jack Johnson versus pop music. I like it. Sort of a Dave Matthew's band. He is a lovely golden canary.

Question of the day: What's your favorite music?

I'm disappointed that no one has come forward to share their plans with me, though I did get an e-mail from Sayward but she sent it to everyone else, too.

I still have no plans currently. I'd like to get a summer job perhaps. I've been looking mostly at jobs from snagajob.com, a site that lists entry jobs, so I don't have to worry about my qualifications when getting a job. I've applied at several jobs so far, ranging from Sears to AMC theaters. I don't know that I'd get any of these jobs, the practical aspect is that I'm trying. And I'm call some of them for a follow up call, don't you worry about that.

And if you're brave enough, send your summer plans in,

Peace, love, and prosperity,
Sincerely,
Megan

The Terrible Tues

It's a Tuesday and I'm thinking no big plans right? "Stumble" a little, listen to some music a little.

I swear the most interesting part of my life has been my night dreams.

Last night I dreampt I lived in a small makeshift zoo. Some saints lived with us as well. There was this huge mansion and all these animals, chimpanzees and snakes and lions in these small cages. It was great. Until some of the snakes got loose and started biting people. We got them under control, though with the help of some visitors.

I think somehow dreams are inherently selfish since the only person who can really enjoy them is yourself.

Mom is in her room studying her head off. John is in his room, doin' his thang.

I wonder what in my life has meaning.

Hymn of the week

Number 604 in the green book.

Verse 3.

"This Jesus lives inside of me-
My Lord, my life, my all to be.
This life and peace inside increases
By calling on the name of Jesus.
There's nothing for my soul on earth to seek.
I have no need;
I'm satisfied in Jesus."

I like this tune because of it's quick pace and enjoy the verses because I enjoy that life and peace.

Well, the visit from Sayward and Jason was a success. In household goods we measure, but in abundance of joy, hope and peace is measured out. There was the rewiring of the cable into the walls, there was the board across the broken part of the garage door, there was the ringing of the toilet and the fixing of faulty shower handles. All in all a success.

Thank you to all involved.

Oh, and I got new speakers. I have ears now!

A sister

A sister is coming over tonight. Whatever the saints touch always turns interesting and full of life.

Update

Nablopomo is going ok. You get in a rhythm and you just write. Groovy man.

No one has sent in their stories yet. I'm not going to harp about it, but it would be neat for the family to read what every one else's plans are. Unless they are secret plans. Then please don't share.

My job search is still fruitless. It's painful for me to talk about, because of the economy and the mental health issues I face every day.

Oh, and I finally joined Twitter. After reading about it on countless blogs, I join and find the community active and alive and random people adding me to their tweet list. Which I find fascinating and confusing.

Job Hunting

I struggle with getting a job. I kind of feel that the stars should line up or the gods should unite and somehow, somewhere, the right job would fall into my lap as the clouds parted and one of God's fingers touched down to light the way. Like God would get me a job since He knows I need one. Course I haven't prayed about all this... The most guidance I get is a Bible verse saying "work with your hands." That could mean I should be a masseuse for all I know.

Job hunting isn't like that. It's dirty. And you're going to get a thousand wrong jobs before the right one crops up. You have to dip your mind and your soul into it, as if you are dipping your hands in oil. And it's not fun. It's traumatic. One job you thought was fantastic never called you back. Or another job which seemed just right you don't have the qualifications.

All I can say is pray for me in these dark times.

Hymn

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it;
Prone to leave the Lord I love:
Take my heart, oh, take and seal it
With thy spirit from above.
Rescued thus from sin and danger,
Purchased by the Savior's blood,
May I walk on earth a stranger,
As a son and heir of God."

That's a verse to a hymn I like. I like that it says we're prone to wander. I do this a lot. I miss appointments and don't listen to God. Like we could actually hear Him. Anyway, we just have to ask the Lord to seal our heart. And being a stranger to earth, we will be a friend to God.

Your Stories

So , John is getting a job for summer, and I'm getting a job? Maybe. And Say is still working on having that baby. And Mom is going to enjoy her break from school and Dad is still in hot Iraq.

How have you all been doing. Time to write to me about your stories and I'll post them as they come. This is your blog as much as mine.

Love ya,
Peace out,
Megan

Sometimes I wonder how much whatever I say matters in the long run. Will people do what they do regardless of the consequences, regardless of the fight we put out against them.

Really I just have to put some crap up here, cause I actually want to finish something. If I don't die first, I'd like to finish May's Nablopomo.

What's nablopomo, a reminder of what it is, National Blog Posting Month. They actually have the challenge up every month.

What's the point? There is no point. I have no noble fantastic purpose in writing these things. I really just want to share myself with the world. Or something.

Do you ever just hate anticipation? I hate waiting for things, too. It will be glorious.

A typical day

Suicide. No one really wants to talk about it. It's such a shame.

My day.

I get up. Gotta eat that sandwich mom brought.

I eat it. does not sit well on the stomach. Perhaps it's protesting after such bland foods as rice and beans.

I get on my computer and start stumbling through blogs. I find one with cute Asian kids. The parent must be proud to take so many pictures.

I get on my gmail account. Nothing there. No wait. Spam.

The hotmail calls. That's where I receive most of my mail, regardless that most of it's junk. I enjoy sorting through it. I end up on facebook, checking out my groups.

I end up on NaBoPoMo. This reminds me of my blog and how I could one day be famous. Famous for have a blog detailing the most boring day in history.

I add myself to the blogroll. Then I think... I want to be famous. What blog directories out there do I need to get myself into? From there is a bunch of directories you can sign up to be in, most out there to make a quick buck from advertising, but interesting nonetheless.

Right now I'm waiting.... waiting... waiting... for the sites to load. Agony.

I get lost in the world of passwords, descriptions, and RSS feeds for a minute. It's a long minute cause the internet is slow as molasses.

Eventually, as I come to realize, all this hullabuloo and fancy metatags aren't worth anything. Having my family read and enjoy my posts is really good enough for me.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm an

Organized Traveling Believer

Drool or Bible?

Hey everyone, I hope everything is going well with you. There's so many hot guys around I'm just droooooooooling all over myself. NOT REALLY.

Anyway, I just am really creeped out by all the people in the church that I know getting married. I find out through facebook. What gives them the right to eternal happiness, when mine was crushed in one fell blow and thus my destiny awaits to do with it as I will.

What I mean to say is my life plan got thwarted. How irrevocably unsettling is this? And then people have the audacity to say that they have happiness which I cannot really share in (even though I try)? It's like everyone is getting married at the same time. And it's disturbing. I would ask everyone to please stop getting married.

I know the Bible probably has a plan for me. Stoning! I'm such a fornicator. Seriously, how does the Bible (my old faith) intermesh with what happens to me? These few words "Go and sin no more." That's the way it's gotta be.

Love ya'lls,
Peace outs...

Hey

Hey guys... I basically don't want to decide my fate, so I'd like you to decide for me.

NM.

Anyway, besides that, NOTHING is going on in my life. I hold the shift key down too long and filterkeys turns on. And that is exciting. And my life consists of sleeping, eating and staring blankly. Where is the drool, people?

I miss Thailand and my family and hope to see them again soon or go on a trip again soon. Perhaps Colorado in the summer so that will be nice.

Besides that I have chocolate-covered-cherry-flavored coffee, so that's a tasty treat. It's the only thing keeping me going.

Best wishes,
Megan

If.

If the internet were perfect, then there would be no broken links.

Idiot.

This post is to make me look like an idiot.

I hate my brother and mom. Now that they seem to be all buddy buddy and love each other. I obviously have no worth and don't have a place in the household I live in.

I really should go off and wander the streets and become one of those bums in Austin who beg on the street for their food. At least I'd have a purpose. Even if it is the most vile and despicable of ones.

I wish my mom had put the TV out of her room. I know it's convenient for her in her room, but it's more accessible for me and John outside of her room.

Has anyone else noticed that my mom is grabby? That she comes up behind you and just grabs things out of your hand. When you're not ready to give it up. Does that bother anyone else?

That's the question of the week, sorry for being an emo, but feeling like your second fiddle to everyone isn't the greatest feeling in the world.

Update #2

Megan is fighting internally about whether having a writing business is worth it or not.

Struggling with seeing "the kids" and dad together for the first time in about a year or two.

Worried that her interest in her school work may be fading. That she won't make it.

Washing dishes, brushing her teeth, and making her bed daily.

Has been trying this new Candy Cane body lotion. It smells terrible, she doesn't suggest it.

Has got a buttload of instructions how she's supposed to act in Thailand, but doubts that they will stick. "She bows."

Wonders what a buttload is and thinks it's different for everyone.

I need you guys opinion on something. I have another blog...which I don't update as frequently as this one. It's a knitting blog and right now it's called Knitting Kniaisarie, "niasirarie" meaning foolishness. I'm thinking about changing the name and could use your input.

Should I change the name to:

Knitting Knarls
Knitting Knavery
Knitting Knickers
Knitting Knock
Knitting Knots

or keep it as Knitting Kniaisarie


Don't forget to leave a comment on the blog!

Update

I'm sure that you all have been dying to know what's going on with Megan.

She still takes medication which she wishes she could get off.

She hasn't tried any long term projects yet, writing wise.

She's still going to school and taking her Technical Writing and Psychology courses seriously.

The catch on that is they aren't beneficial to her decided major, English.

For some reason, she got the clue that she should try for nursing. What a joke.

So she's hating these classes because they are pointless in her future, even though she's learning a lot.

She's glad she has internet.

She wishes her family would go to her blog and comment there, instead of sending her emails, because that would up her traffic.

And she likes talking about herself in third person.

The End of the Beginning

So I failed at Nanoblomo, but don't curse me for it. You just saved yourself extra stuff up for now.

The diet and exercise is going well, and I would like to say that mostly things are going well, except for this rash. Now, I, more than anyone hate people talking about their weird medical deals, but this rash is all over my body and my face is really red. Passably-for-a-normal-person-red, but still. We think it's the acne meds which did it, but I'm wondering with the diet of milk and chocolate and vitamins, and soy proteins and the excessive exercise... what is up with that?

I shouldn't be complaining, the starving children in Africa, you know. So with that I bid you adieu. m

Random Babblings

The last thing we forget to do after a long, long day of hard work is take a shower, get a cup of tea and relax.

So forget your troubles, your dirty neighbors, and actually, I really really am glad that we got a puppy. Because the problem lies within ourselves, and if we can give willingly out of a pure heart.

Trusting that a younger being than oneself will take seriously the propositions of the adult, we learn that even the best individual achievement is not good as working together.

Hard Cold Truths

I am an idiot. I am dumb, I am stupid, I am retarded, I am mentally insane, I am a fool, I am mentally challenged.

I'm ugly, I'm not fun to be around, I'm angry, I'm not a people-person, I'm antisocial, I'm shy, I'm fired.

These are some of the doubts plauging me, as I plunge through my day. I can't seem to think straight or come up with a line of conversation.

It's all just introspection. Either way, I'm unhappy.

I get where I want to push papers for the rest of my life... just to show them. Who? The man, I guess. I want to do something stupid and not useful. Which is what they want.

To show them the world of hurt they could get into and the world of hurt they are. So I can show them "bad."

So I can show them, that my world is crumbling.

They still want me to take the medication for what I did. I don't even know or could fathem (another one, I'm shallow.) how or what I did.

Anyway, that's my sucky post. Yah, NaBloPoMo. Question of the day (make a comment) : What are the labels you don't like or find stick to you?

The Fat and Thin of It

I basically slept all day and then I woke up and had a shake.

Let me talk about shakes for a second. These are the Slimfast shakes.

My lovely mother thinks that they don't have enough nutritional value, but they say right on the shake that they have like 100 calories and 20 grams of protein and stuff. Now I am taking these to lose weight and I haven't lost that much, maybe two or three pounds. Losing weight is hard, as is exercising three times a week. I can start to feel that I don't have as much energy (meaning I'm burning fat) and there is a looseness in my pants. And it will continue to be difficult to exercise.

The thing is, my body chemistry is working against me. The medication I take, the Zyprexa, is shown to increase weight among people who take it. It is also shown to cause diabetes. Although I don't have that problem yet, I'm looking to the future when it may become a problem through a family history of diabetes. Insulin shots and blood pressure pricks may be in my future.

While this has to do with my crusade against fat, it also has to do with my quality of life and who I am as a person. To the new month-- question of the day: who do I want to be?

NaBloPoMo

The aroma of cooking potatoes fills the air and in the kitchen my mother is cooking.

I have to apologize to my blog and my readers. I signed us up for something: National Blog Posting Month, which happens every month, but at the end if you've posted for the whole month you get prizes. Which is my excuse for doing it. Maybe I'll even share the prizes. Either way, my readers and I are on a zany trip through soul-searching and self-revelation and nights of insanity and pointless conversations.

February's theme is "want." I may write on the theme, I may not. I think you get brownie points for writing on it. But I digress.

First Impressions

Mike Frame is my professor of introductory psychology. He's a friendly middle-aged man who likes to make the class laugh. There are online quizzes, making for easy grading and easy access to the computer. We have some research requirements to fulfill, but my first impressions are of easy class.

My second class is conducted by Lorie Jacobs, a woman I couldn't find anywhere on the UTA web site or on the site she gave us, it giving us a "Error 404," whatever that means. Technical Writing, a course which is based on boring exercises, is where the teacher is supposedly teaching us how to write. (A writer who knows that only one person can teach you to write.) So we'll learn "how" to write memos and other random "workplace" modes of communication. Furn, furn. I just made up a new word....say it with me....furn.


So overall things did not go to badly for a first day. Tomorrow should also go smoothly, with the addition of my books and I'm wishing I had a locker or cubby to hide my stuff in while on campus. Maybe they should add lockers for students. When they put out student comment cards, I think I'll fill one out.

Question of the Day: If you could go back to college or if you could do it over again or you want to go to college, what major would you choose? Answer the question in the comment section below the post.

A Separate Peace

I've been reading John Knowles a Separate Peace lately and I've found out several lessons.

1. Don't let your reader distract you, come back to the main point.
2. It's ok to summarize. That is helpful to your reader who isn't paying attention anyway and is probably drooling over the book anyway.
3. Don't be congineal and friendly, you get pushed out of trees.

That last one take with a grain of salt, I just noticed what the book was really about. And we want people reading it! Sometimes.

Well, I didn't finish NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month for skipping a couple days this past week, but I've been keeping it going with NaNoWriMo. It's getting difficult to not just finish it, in the beginning of the novel. I feel I have less and less to write about, but my characters keep living and functioning and most of all doing things. So I keep writing.

So amazingly bad.

It's odd how I read a bad book and I can put it down right away. But a bad story I'm writing...because it's nano I have to keep writing. I can't just put it away and say to everyone "let's never speak of this again." Although that might happen once this is over, but it's like a baby, I take it out once a day and coo over it and feed it, and it grows, regardless of how actually ugly this baby is. And it's ugly, no transitions from scene to scene, random conversations that don't really contribute to the plot...you name it, I've got it. Want to read it yet?

The no plot, no problem is actually kind of an issue

So I'm writing and I have no clue what comes next. It's like I am writing on the edge of the abyss, not knowing which words come next...and no, not the abyss in the Bible from whence come the dragon. More like the edge upon the abyss of reality. Which is scary place to be for me. But it that's how I write: so be it.

Sort of licensing writing above any other project I have going on is probably not the best idea. So I need to set down some ground rules for NaNoWriMo.

Writing does not come before sleeping, eating, or any member of the family, including the cat. In fact, those are my ground rules.

Oh yeah, if I turn insane over this horrible piece of writing, everyone must say that I "went insane for my work." Thank you. That is all.

Also, I find this highly amusing. Notice the white kid on the right. I know one kid who's parents will be voting for McCain.

Today was rough

I spent all my time up til midnight fidgeting away on the internet, all unknowing of the task I would have to undertake. I think many writers must write naked for that is what we must do of soul, strip ourselves down to the bare bones and build ourselves up again. It wouldn't do any good to try to write dramas with our clothes, on, they wouldn't be true to life, to our birth. Where we came from the womb immediately put in a fuzzy blanket to comfort us. While when someone reads they want to take off that blanket and face the world as it really is, passionately fancy-free.

The failing at life

I didn't take my physics test today. That's how I like to describe it.

1. We have a new professor and the tests are not the tests given to us in the science study lounge.

2 I brought two mechanical pencils and both stopped working.

3. I forgot to bring a scantron.

4. I didn't get half the problems on the test anyway.

Basically, I fail at life. I didn't go to the review. Even if I make a hundred on the next test, that only averages out to a 50.

I just think there's something seriously wrong with me that I fail at life. Maybe I should go to community college next year. Maybe the material there would make more sense to me.

How we get picked up.

Looking for writing jobs all day is draining, with expectant mothers to be of articles, newspapers and magazines yowling at us, conveying their every whim. I think they should institute a new way of working on projects. Like Mexican workers, we should stand on street corners and when a prospective employee drives by we should jump in the back of their truck, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I'm BAD.

I think we don't realize how much this word affects us as little kids. That we were a bad person merits change or at least remorse. But what if you're just bad at something: Something you've poured your energy and thought you were good at. Well, hell, what if you were just "bad at life." Which is how I feel about my recent job experience.

I didn't feel I was bad at it, my employer did. So do I take her perspective and hang my head in shame, or do I take the perspective of a gangsta. and say "Yeah, I'm Baaaaad!"

Password: Denied

I seem to have difficulty punching my password in just right the first time. I wonder if any other people have problems like this. Akin to test anxiety or perhaps a type of uber-anticipation, my finger or brain seem to be uncoordinated with each other. Either I don't remember the password, or there's a mini finger mumble-jumble. I hope that soon I can recover from my affliction. It is frustrating and annoying at the worst, but imagine what one could do with the saved time. Godspeed and coordination fingers and brains.

Hi everyone.

I've been doing a "word of the day" thing which I get from my google gadget. I love learning new words and using them in sentences.

Right now I'm unsure as to the direction of the blog. It's my personal blog which I want to reflect my personal life and what goes on. However, seeing as I'm not always at my most interesting, I'm not sure everyone wants to hear about my day.

I have several ideas: I could make this an idea blog, like Idea province. I have so many great ideas that never see the light of day.

Another idea is to make it a word-of-the-day blog. Which I'm not sure would appeal to anyone...

I talk to myself about getting readership and RSS blogs, but really, I'm a bit flummoxed about getting people reading my blogs.

There's the option of collecting all my contacts from facebook.com and promoting my blog that way. However, do I really want to annoy all those people.

First, I must choose a direction.

You can vote on a direction by sending me an e-mail. I've e-mailed my family to see what they think because I value their opinion. Send me your ideas. I thought of blogging for my classes, posting notes and stuff, and that's another idea. The thing is, most blogs need a gimmick, something that unifies them all and I haven't discovered mine yet.

Volte-face

An about face. I'm not sure as to the origin of this word. It seems rather strange that a volt, which is used for electric potential should be used. But I can imagine a soldier screaming, "Volte-face!" and the troops obeying his command, with a swift turn in the same direction.

Word of the Day: Littoral

Used in a sentence: The lighthouse was littoral.

This reminds me of going to the beach when I was little. I remember the sand and the back of the car open, with our camping equipment and a cooler. The funny thing is I remember a lighthouse, which makes me think it was a dream. Just goes to show our memory is not always accurate.

Donnybrook

I had a donnybrook today with myself. Whether I would be sad or not and I think I won. Because I'm awesome. And I have good self-esteem. Donnybrook means a brawl or dispute. I'm not sure you could use this one in a conversation, but if you want to make someone go "huh?" Definitely try it.

Slugabed

The reasoning for this word is rather simple. Slugs which are slow, a for the a, and bed for the lying in bed. I used to be a slugabed, and love staying in bed till a late hour. I started this practice when I was young, so if you don't want your children to be slugabeds teach them to get up early even on the weekends. These good habits will follow them throughout their life.

Fettle

State or conditon of mind. We have to few words to describe ourselves and how we work, as if the knowing can make us love ourselves less. I often hear the word, mettle, or worth of a person. But to understand fettle, the condition of the mind, we must first be willing to give up a practice which has grown old.

Why do you write?

Writing seems to the most complicated means of communication and, yes, technology. It's a time machine to transfer ideas from generation to generation, transferring itself through time and space and creating ideas where there were none before.

I am sad today.

And I wish I had the tao. The spiritual force of the universe which understands and completes everyone and everything.

My essay lies undone. I don't even want to finish it, the difficulty level is too high. I don't even want to go finish it, because I'll put all these laws and expectations on it, that it should be the best essay ever, and I can't. I'm completely unable to type that next word, and analyze that bit of poetry. Maybe it had to do with that spurt of inspiration I had to write the outline the other day. Now that it's gone, nothing else can compare.

I believe that one has to be inspired to write. Must be an adventure.

An English major on Laundry

I was washing my clothes, when suddenly, out of the blue, I think... flannel is probably not considered REAL clothes, when I realized that I was an English major. Only an English major would do such an in-depth analysis of clothes. I even sort them out, putting the whites and delicates aside. Careful analysis of clothes that is only matched by the perfectionist English major doing ho-hum chores.

The Butterflies

Why did God make monarch butterflies so lovely to look at? Most people aren't sure. Some people just enjoy the beauty of them. I, for one, think there must be a purpose. Like machines, they are made of pieces and parts stuck together and animated. Spindly spider-web thin legs, and paper-machete dusty wings, painted a vivid orange color. As if he wanted to get our attention. Then he put them there for a reason-like a thousand tiny flags waving, saying "Here I am, here I am."

This is lovely to behold, when the monarchs migrate. But maybe it's just nature's way of fooling us. As if to say, "the best things in life aren't yours to keep." Ephemeral. It's a word. Use it. That's the moral of the story.

At the Office

So I'm here in the Shorthorn office. It's nothing like Office Space, or the Office. For one thing, the majority of us are girls, and girls don't take the front in those comedies.

I'm Pam. Everyone's Pam. She's quiet and sweet and intelligent and average. And she sometimes wears coke bottle glasses. Don't get me started on glasses. They are eye blinders, where you can only look straight ahead, they mess up your close-up vision. Nope, can't focus on those sheets that have an ugly pink flower pattern anymore. When do you need this vision? Not ever really, but I feel it's on principle that I should be able to see that up-close. But no, I'm blinded to not only a few feet in front of my face, but also a inch directly in front of my face. So don't get me started on the evils of glasses. The evils of contacts are stretchy eyelids, but that's another story.

So here in the office where people are supposed to work. And we do. And the laugh factor is high here. On my laugh-o-meter. I have one.

John Read this!

Today I did a more realistic assessment of my finances for the Fall 2008 school year. Turns out I'll need more money than I'd expected, because of medical bills, and the fact that I'm finally attempting to sort out my face, acne-wise.

You think years of being grossed out by pimples should have turned me sooner, but I feel like my acne is my shield against the world. I pop them when I am anxious and the satisfaction of a good squeeze sometimes helps me get through the day. I don't know what I'll do without them. Like that Family Guy episode where the pimple took over in Chris' life, my acne has defined who I am.

Maybe the regime they will put me through will take it's place. Wash every evening with Purpose soap, put on a scar fading cream, then in the morning take a huge pink pill, wash it down with the others. In the morning rinse the face and put a pimple vanishing cream dotted on each pimple.

While a regimen may not or may take it's place, I hope I learn to live without the pain of having pimples.

There is water on Mars

It is proven by NASA's Phoenix Lander. So what does this mean... ice on a place like Mars. Could we live there? Is it a possibility? So with water on Mars it's only steps away from having someone there to drink it. Though terraforming planets, or making planets livable on a mass scale by humans is not really a possibility considering the great cost of the operation, it is still a theory in many science fiction films and books.

And I've always wanted to live in a dome, haven't you?

Actually I feel like I'm in a bubble, sometimes, living capsulated in my room with none but my computer to befriend me. From here to the kitchen and back the only trek I'm taking. But today, I got out of the house and took a walk to the local grocery store, about two blocks. I felt fat. I'm sort of a chubby person and have to deal with that. But I also sweated the same sort of water that was found on Mars, and it felt good.

So either, going to Mars to find water, or getting out of the house to not drown in the doldrums of life, both trips are essential to mankind.

Sayonara

And Their Bombs, and Their Guns

Today's title is thanks to Bjork. I hate her music.

So there is still such a thing as a suicide bombers. Americans think that if they can make fun of something it's not real, not as tangible as death is.

But over in Iraq, Bagdad and Kirkuk, to be exact, there were 4 female suicide bombers who attacked Kurdish protesters. We take for granted our right to free speech, by forgoing the need to speak freely, but over in other countries, there are women who take the right to live for granted.

That's right, 61 people dead. That means people who loved life, who were willing to fight for their liberty...cut off.

That is why we should value our freedoms to have a peaceful assembly, and to have the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. We Americans think we have it good and we do...with the ability to breath another day and to believe that life is for worth fighting.

It makes my small petty problems seem so little...that I want to give out knitting lessons, and while Mrs. Bezzina would like them at 7, my mom says she'll drive me as early as nine. In a way, I'm proud of my mom for sticking up for herself...in other news, it's a problem for me to explain why I can't do the lessons at the time I said was fine.

Either way we are in a governmental (or familial) relationship which is turmoil. While I'm struggling to become an independent person, Iraq is struggling with the birthing pains of a new government. May we both succeed.

Megan Out

So I'm into writing screenplays

The next new thing in my life. I know, I know, I'm better than everyone else because I can imagine writing screenplays. I swear, I'm just like the rest of you with fears and everything. I just know that have so much love from my awesome family that I can do this.

When freelance writing, you really don't know where your next gig is coming from. Freelance writing is really an art, and you must be at your most artful when writing that cover letter. But eventually, you get pared down to a certain genre: copywriting, blogging, editing...the possibilities are nearly endless. And I would like to write screenplays. So that's the next big thing going on with me.

I know, I'm fascinating, but enough talk about me, what's going on in the world?

An Arizona campus got struck with a shooter, which hit three students. He wasn't one of those manics who try to shoot as many people as they can, but started with an argument which spiraled out of control. Just goes to say, they say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. In the words of Eddie Izzard, "I think the guns help."

More later
From alleged
Grammar Queen
Fiesty Screenwriter

Fat and Nobody Cares

I'm overweight and no one cares. I keep trying to tell my mom and she keeps on ignoring me. Scoring a 26 where 25 and up is overweight, I find my self wondering if it's the medication I'm taking that I know causes weight gain or my lack of exercise. In 2003 and 2004, it (it being a graph or a map or something) showed that 66% of the US population is overweight. I'm just joining the crowd. Does any one have any suggestions of fun things I could do to lose weight?

I want to run, but my lung capacity is so small. I fall into a walk so soon after beginning a run. I'd like to join some sort of club. Well, I'll get to exercise more in the fall, having access to the Maverick Gym.

Good news, I'm taking two classes instead of one: Physics and a Literary Criticism course. The two classes will allow me to get more financial aid and get the loan which is supposed to save my life.

Yeauck, My Life.

So sick and tired. Sick and tired of being on the computer, not interacting with people, just so alone.

Then I think, well, I could get a boyfriend. The best Craigslist has to offer. But I'd be disappointing people right and left. And it's painful to get in a relationship. The less I'm around people the more idealistic about it I become. And I forget the pain. I forget the agony of defeat. That a woman is less beautiful close up. That once you know one woman you know them all.
That sort of thinking.

I'm quiet and I don't understand the social niceties required in social arenas. I spend my days, as today on the computer.

I best be getting a job first. Except for this semester when I do what I shouldn't do and spend my loan money on a scooter and maybe a new floor. If I even have loan money at all. They might not have loan money for people only taking one class. We'll see tomorrow.

The Hair

So I cut my hair and my brother doesn't give a damn. Well that's kind of like him. John doesn't give a damn. Which is cool. I guess I'm trying to be the interesting and nice big sister again. Like I have a choice. He pretty much asserts his lone ranger status. There is no stupid sidekick, because I refuse to be stupid.

But back to the hair. It has the potentiality to look like Maureen on the Brady bunch, and for those out of the loop, that's the maid. But that is just the potentiality. My hair also has the potentiality to look cute. So it looks cute when I put stuff in it and kind of fluff in in different directions and let it curl, and put a part in half way. Lovely. But I really wanted my hair cut short from my first year in college. I kept talking about how I wanted to shave it all off, and how hot it was. Then I saw Briteny Spears and I realized that wasn't so good. But I still wanted it short.

I walked in and the only available hairdresser was a black lady. Can she do my hair? What will it turn out like... all these questions were running through my head. She introduced herself as Tona and we spent hours in that chair. At least three hours. First she chopped off a little, and then she chopped off a little more. She used the razor, as I suggested, just as a method of thinning. Seriously, I thought, this lady doesn't have a clue. She finished one cut and when I asked her about the razor just as a thinning mechanism she started randomly chopping my hair with the scissors!!!! I was pretty freaked out by that point. I am going to have a good haircut or else. So eventually she brought out the electric clippers and cut the hair in the back of my head short and around my ears. Britney Spears, I'm going to look like Britney Spears, I kept thinking.

So somehow we came to a haircut I sort of like. Except when my family is looking at it. For some reason, I put them in a different category of people that they are supposed to automatically like my hair. I expect that they say they like it because they love me. Pictures are coming forthwith.

Goal of the day: Stop picking at my face. (Better than the nose!)

Go with grace
Peace to all
Hair victim

Scooter Mania!

So. I finally talked to mom about what I'm going to do next semester. It seems that TCC is out of the question because it's too far to drive. I've already accepted the 5,500 loan for UTA, subsidized. I will get a scooter. And take a class next semester. Woot woot.

Just the future, where I have to pay student loans every month for two and a half years at 200 a month or for four years and seven months at 100 dollars a month does not appeal to me. However, a new Vespa for which I can ride around and therefore get a better job does. Insurance, gas, tune-ups, and scooter classes. I'm afraid I'm just fixed on the idea of independence, without considering the cost.

So Meara, you were right. I am going to be one of those goofy people who ride a little scooter. I should go live in London or something.

How long will I still desire you?

Sometimes life is frustrating to the nines. Like if you miss just one person because you went through what you felt was emotional boot camp with them. Yeah, that's right, Bryan. Feeling like no-one understands you so perfectly as them.

Well, they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. What about moving on?

What about not having a close relationship with your family? I don't call passing someone in the hallway and saying "yeah, you have to take me somewhere today," a close relationship. Not to burst anyone's bubble.

But a close relationship which is free of the intent or possibility of harm and can share hopes and dreams in. Sorry for ending with a preposition. But the idea of a potential real relationship is still there.

On the upside (maybe) I'm cutting my hair... really short. I'm scared. But as I hate my hair as it is, any change is good.

Weird thing: Maybe other people do this, but while I'm walking to and from the kitchen, I bump myself against the walls. Sub-conscious self-harm technique? You decide.

More on how weird I am,
Next session of...

Nominal Psychosis
With Megan

Today I finished a scholarship essay. I don't know if it will win, but just "putting it in the mail" gives me a thrill.

Haven't figured out how to get titles for my blogs on "Day by Day," but who needs titles anyway. We have to label everything, like canned goods, for goodness sakes just take the day as it is.

Applied to several jobs and still no reply yet. I'm considering follow-up emails to keep things interesting and to connect with those yet to be bosses. It's like a bad detective movie, when you look for jobs. Following up all these dead-end leads. But I'm sure something will turn up on my job search. Somewhere local and conveniently located. There has to be the "perfect job."

Hee hee. Chuck E. Cheese is hiring entry level managers. I'm thinking of applying. Super nervous about that though.

President Bush lifted a ban on offshore oil drilling today. There won't be any action on it though,because Congress has a ban on the practice, which would have to be lifted first. Not to mention the instant ramifications on the environment which would have to be considered before drilling.

Just goes to show that we'll have to find another source of energy soon, oil not being an renewable resource. We can't create oil in a lab, it being impossible to create the conditions used to create oil. The most feasible option is ethanol, made out of corn.

Besides that I'm alright. I feel like I haven't found my "platform" today. My stable ground from which I do things.

I want to get my hair cut. Short. I've wanted this since my sister got her hair cut short in the third grade. I'm really nervous. Maybe I should wait to make an appointment until another day.

Watched Catacombs tonight. I was scared and it was nice to enjoy getting caught up in a movie. Makes me wonder about all the numb people who are so numb to everything else that they have to go see gore to get an emotion. Hah, I'm not like that. I just clicked on it randomly and got a little jack to my heart beat. The twist at the end wasn't bad either.

Anyway, I'm thinking of starting a Saturday cookie baking streak. Cookies are a great way to show you care, and there always seems to be a dearth of them. Though right now we have those fake fig newtons. So yeah, wish me luck.

I keep skirting around the emails that were sent to me by three people answering my ad from Craigslist.com. Here's my doubts: can I knit really? I mean every project I take out five or six times before continuing to the end. I have trouble reading patterns. And I use Emily...to knit.

What the hell does that last sentence mean? I'll explain later.

The process group is finished. That would have to do with my last stay at a hospital. 5 times to the hospital, 6 suicide attempts, I am much changed from my 2003 self. A boyfriend and a half later. I'm back at the mom's house struggling financially and mentally.

Money is still tight and I quit my job at Kroger: it was a crappy minimum wage job, anyhow. And Mr. Ruckle, the manager barked orders at me like we were in the military. Disturbing.

I sort of failed the Walmart's Are-you-sane-enough-to-work-for-us-quiz. So my only hope is Subway, or the YMCA. I have to work at a place which is close enough to home.

Other than that things are looking up. I have two queries from people who would like lessons in knitting.

I have no relationships with people for some reason. My family I barely have a relationship with. Don't go to church anymore, don't really believe in God, except for sometimes in which I do. Don't ask me to explain that.

What to expect from this blog---well, it'll mostly be what I wish I could discuss with my family or friends, but can't.

Other than that, I've been watching a lot of cartoon network: Chowder. I want his hat.

Sorry, Everyone

I think my dad hates me writing.  I was ok writing, but I lost something along the way.  The gift of writing.  Now I think he hates me writing.  (I almost capitalized that "he."  Now you know what's wrong.  My dad thinks he's god.  Not just a god.  God over certain people.  That is so demented.

You can't tell a person not to write.  That's like telling someone you can't speak. Oh wait, he told me that, too, when I was a kid.  

Anyway, I'm totally over him.  And I mean that like I really hate him.  He says that I looked better with acne.

Sorry, everyone who receives my blog.  But he is horrible and not willing to sacrifice to help people.  He wants to do big things and rule over every part of certain people's lives.  Not cool.

Revision #4

Englishious

You are so well written
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lungs, to your larynx, to your luscious lips

You are so well written
Simply single-syllabled
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your fluent lines.

You are so well written
Will you spell it out for me?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?
I anecdote on you.

The computer screen is larger than a ten by ten, silvery little PC moniter, menu, left and right arrow, and select buttons marching along the bottom. That little green indicator light situated next to the line-stabbed circle button, that I suppose is to indicate that the circuit is closed and the power is On. A little cube is in the left-hand corner, cow-marked, as it seems. EV700 is on the right-hand side. "700 what?" I ask myself.

Then to the right of the moniter is two stacks of CD's, one balanced precariously on top of the other, a crumpled yellow strip of paper, a highliter-yellow "hard" plastic water bottle with a blue screw-on lid, a floppy disc, a Ben Harper sticker, a tape, a standing white fan, with dust on the fan cage, a plastic gatorade bottle, some headphones, both speakers, a blue ceramic mug with a spoon in it, and a small purple paper.

It's 5:09 and I should be reading history, and instead I'm talking to Oliver online and checking my mail and basically goofing off, like a little muggle that I am...

If our Christian life is a Little Debbie Snack Cake, then we need to constantly ask, "Where's the Creme Filling?"

Revision of the Poem

You are so well written
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lungs, to your larynx, to your luscious lips

You are so well written
Healthy: I'm impressed by your colon usage
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your fluent lines.

You are so well written
I sound out the words
Will you spell it out for me?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?

Revision of the Poem

You are so well written
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lungs, to your larynx, to your lovely lips

You are so well written
Healthy: I'm impressed by your colon usage
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your fluent lines.

You are so well written
I sound out the words
Will you spell it out for me?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?

I don't feel like writing a darned thing.

I don't like being home. Too many things come to mind. Such as past loves and lingering feelings. Thankfully, time is not a pool, but a river. It keeps on flowing, and things keep growing, and living and dying, passing, while I'm sighing.

I feel beautiful again for some reason. My family loves me, and needs me, while no-one seems to need me alone in my little dorm room, except for Mary, lovely Mary.

Which puts me in another frame of mind. Having groupies is absolutely one of the best feelings in the world. Chai tea hits the spot when it's chilly, and when it's not. The sliption of "smoking a bowl" in the midst, whips a warning at me, though, perhaps.

I wonder why my feelings and thoughts feel more smothered here than they do when I'm alone in my dorm room. Though I speak to few about my deepest thoughts and ideas, they are free, not controlled by the thoughts, moods, emotions, or whims of my guardian and sibling. I learn to speak in a different way and I like it. No more of this, petty arguing, but placid agreement. No forcing, even though that is my personality. Just letting go of things. The ability to disagree instead of smothering one another's opinions.

Chickens.

Clean, clear guitar plaints out of my roomate's speakers, the sky is a tinkly blue, slippery wind, tangling with the treetops, talked to a cat today, Shadows, she listened to my chicken argument, and ignored the persuasive fries, flicked beckoningly by me at the creature.

This was from awhile ago:

A missed bus today saved me from soakage, from a misplaced summer storm. Soft, then hard, then soft, water slipped out of clouds, falling, falling, falling, to splash uncommitingly on my window.

You are written well so
Your parenthesis brows
Compliment the main idea
Coming from your "i's"
Everything is alliterated, from
Your lips, to your lungs, to your lovely, luscious legs

You are written so well
Healthy: I'm impressed by your colon usage
I prefix my eyes on your lovely face
And sweet-tailed suffix
Bringing up the rear
No fragments in your well-written lines.

You are so well written,
Will you spell it out for me?
Can I sound out the words?
Though your sentence structure is complete
The vocabulary is new
Can you read me?

I miss someone. And I'm really scared about next year. And am really excited about taking Physics classes. And am too involved with my "predictions" of what the Lord might do, or should do. Just have to give it ta' the Lord. He knows.

Well, everything's gravy, guys. I'm going to register for classes tomorrow. Physics, Calculus, U.S History, Speech (?) and Canoeing, I think. If Nicole doesn't take canoeing I think take a dance class for a PFW.

I'm talking to my step-cuz. She's awesome! Much love ta' Belinda.

Well, I was thinking of trying a little experiment because I'm such a whiny baby and can't handle it when people don't like me or offend me...but then at the same time, I don't have a problem...I don't get it. Never mind, if I don't understand I definitely can't make you guys understand.

Well, I'm eating leftover spagetti, and I almost cried again in the meeting tonight, but I...didn't let it happen. I suppose it was a hardening, but at least I didn't bust out. Gee, you'd think that I'd be over the whole dumb crying thing by now. That's a whole lot of weekends to cry randomly.

You know it's weird...I feel most comfy around those families that nag and stuff...it's just more like home, I guess, and I never, ever, in my whole life thought that I would miss that, but then I run into it, and I just want to get into this massive pillow fight and beat all of my frustrations away.

Would you believe I can barely walk without total pain jolting through my legs and butt? Or that I turn but a half a centimeter and my torso is wracked with conversive torture? Well, that's the price you pay for not working out and then going randomly one Saturday and helping win the PowderPuff football tournament. Nobody else seems to think it's important, but my body won't let me forget my triumph.

Friday night meeting.
It's a Friday...
I revel in the spent week, little moments of glory
Golden-toned
Recieved because I made it through

The taste of Halloween chocolate on my lips,
I recollect the uncomfortable feeling
"What are you going to do tonight?"
Probably nothing, I answer.

I wish I had said...
I am a Christian.

God doesn't want us to celebrate a bunch of holiday's in His name. He wants us to know Him personally as He knows each one of us. Don't you want to know Him? Just call on His name.

But then...
I don't want people to think...
That I am some sort of fanatic...
Which I am.

Sorry, when you fall in love,
That's what happens.

Well, I have a test tomorrow and two tests on thursday, but instead of studying like I should be I'm chatting with Meggie Hunter and attempting to hold a conversation with my brother which goes like this....

spikywires: Hey, are you going to talk to me today?
Derosian: yes
spikywires: K, cool beans. Shoo.
spikywires: i mean shoot.
Derosian: shoo?
Derosian: oh
spikywires: Well?
spikywires: Speak up boy, I can't hear ya'

I'm curious about things back home and he doesn't tend to care or something. Dang it! That hurts my feelings...but oh well...

Fort Stockton was the best conference I have been to ever in my whole life. I loved it and it snowed and everything. Can't think of anything else to tlak about.

Hee hee....except for John. Why isn't he curious about my life whatsoever? I'm his sister, you think he'd be a little bit interested, geez. Most people don't care what thier little brother thinks of them, and I do, dang it! and I wish I didn't. So now that I'm done venting about that I think I'll leave you with a happy thought...

"Old Iron Sides" was a nickname for the U.S.S. Constitution, which was instrumental in fighting on the American Side during the War of 1812.

Weekend again. I just finished this *ugh + shudder* essay. No comment. I'm going to the meeting tonight which is awesome. I hope Sayward found out about the meeting, because I didn't call her. Oh Lord Jesus, I just realized that. Sorry, Say. I keep forgeting things...It's horrible. Maybe because now I have to remember all these things that I used to let my mom mess with. It's all gravy. I'm yearning to go shopping. But I want to be frugal. Maybe Mi-mi can take me shopping at Thrift stores. We can always hope. And YAH! Cookies at Mandy's on Wednesday. I'm sooooo looking foward to that. One more essay to write this weekend. I think I'll write it on Monday. Yah! for weekends and cold weather and making cookies!!!!! And especially Fort Stockton! Hurray!

This weekend... I'm going to Nicole's and the Friday night meeting... then to my dad's to visit with him and John, and Michelle and Eric...and hopefully sign up for the Fort Stockton conference, Lord's-day evening, which I haven't been to in ages, 4 years to be exact. My dad wants to go to the Renassiance (sp?) Festival on Saturday, so that's where I'll be... still one of the kiddos. Hopefully some tennis shoes, a light bulb, a rug, and grocceries will come my way...we can only hope.

(Then when I get to Fort Stockton, I can do a happy dance around a palm tree. It will be good chickens.)

I'm mad at everyone. Why? Because I'm not a part of anyone. I feel so... outside everything. And the things I am in, I'm not satisfied with.

Why is that? Why do I want everything? Sometimes I just want... something. Everything. I just want everything. I want noncholance, I want people to be happy when I walk in the door. I want my own group of people that I can just hang with. I want my own website. I want to erase mistakes. I want to try things and come out unscathed. I want God. I want good grades. I want the food I want, when I want it. I want...

I'm so self-absorbed.

Well guys...I'm really stressed out. I have some serious God things, etc, life decisions to make and no-one I want to talk to (or no-one I think can help me) is there to listen. It seems like no-one cares. Or something along those lines. I'm just in a bad mood ignore my bad moodness. I'm going to make RAmen and read history..."fun" I did something I shouldn't have done because I feel desperate. (Don't worry, nothing detrimental to my health, just probably not right. I just am lonely or something. I wonder if I distance the saints. I don't feel like they care, because maybe I don't care about them, and so they don't care about me. It's the evil circle of not caring....dun, dun, dun.... anyway, this is just mad rambling...toodles all.

I'm here. Alive. Went to the coffee house with Mary (my roomie) and watched open mic night and met her band friends. That was gravy. Went to the meeting tonight. Am excited about the college conf. And getting money. From my job. And FINALLY getting a bank account. I'm going to work on budgeting and all that gravy mess. I should pack a lunch tommorrow. I think I will for the Bib. stud, even though it will be gross. Oh, well, at least I'll have something to eat. Yum.
Much love to all.

Howdy. Today was good. Alg. Brit. Lit. Work at Library. Good times. Now I have to figure out what I'm doing this weekend. HYPERVENTALATION. Yeah, ok.

I've started the idea. But it takes a lot of work, because I'm trying to make it funny.

Butt-load of work, but at least all my tests are over with. (Hallelujah!)

I don't know what's going on with the church life. We'll see.

Ate dinner with Thad. I just thought I'd mention him, because I think he's probably the closest thing I've ever had to an actual guy friend before. He's amusing.

Stucky (I hope that's how it's spelt) and I are going to have a thing where we sing church songs on Thursday in the rec room. It's cool and gravy. I'm going to enjoy it. Oh Lord Jesus, I just give You Megan S..

My dad called and that was depressing. Don't know what I'm doing this weekend. Staying here I guess. I could sooo disappear into the fog here. Just melt into the crowd, forget/lose contact with all the people I used to know. Interesting.

I should probably go to bed so I don't continue to ramble on about stupid stuff. 'Night, all.

I'm going to do it! my idea...I'm going to do it then tell you when I think it's gravy enough for ya'll to see it.

Well folks. I don't understand what's going on in my spiritual life. Things are... different. Changing, I suppose.

I want to hook up with some family-families, like people with kids. I love kids. Hopefully Priscilla can come with Katie and me to the garage sale on Saterday. It's neat because she lives so close. She's going to be "my high-schooler" I think. I worry about her. BGR, you know. I hope nothing's going on.

-It is soo freezing in the library! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I'm freezing my butt off! Well really just skin cells. I wonder if you can freeze skin cells... I really am starting to sound like Rachel now. :-D Hee, hee, hee. Cold, cold, cold! And that's all I can think about. I'm going to go study now folks.

Hello, sorry that some thought my last post sounded kind of down. Twasn't meant to be. Things are good. :-D Going to study with Scoles (Nicole Snider) at 4 and that should be interesting. I should be studying instead of slacking off, I should be calling my contact, and calling Lauren, and Rachel and Mehreen, but the more I should be doing something the more I don't....I ammmmmmmmmm a stinker. :-( Not good. Oh, well.

Played ultimate frisbee on Friday...I'm not that bad. Spent the weekend at my sister's house. That was...interesting. Well, I'll chat with you folks later.

Much love, from The Meggers.

Well, today's been a long day. Monday's my easy day and Wednesday is aptly named "hump day" in my case. So busy with this and that. I'm tired like a mug. But I'm so dang proud of myself! I did that stupid chart that Mr. W. was getting all mad at us about, because he told us while none of us were listening. Ah! Quiz tommorrow...I'm a-fered.

I love, love my idea...but don't want to put the effort into it. Too much trouble. But it's so cool! (I argue with myself.) Maybe if I get my own comp, I'll do it, but before then...don't count on it.

By the way, I hate you all for not coming to my site and putting comments on it. :-(

Hey folks, what's shakin'? Nuthing much going on here. Went to lots of meetings, considering how many I usually don't go to...sort of. But there are more here, anyway.

Spent some time with the pops and the kiddos. That was ok, but they are busy with their life and I am busy with mine. Finally got the books I needed, well, three of them. Just two more and my quest is ended.

Oh, and I have an idea, but not the resources nor time to carry it out. Look out for more updates on the "idea" later. :-)

I'ts been pretty full ever since I got back from Arlington.

That last sentence sounds weird. But it has been. I slept. Then woke up and went to class and then work and then class and then meeting and then slept and then class and then work and then bible study and then work and then I end up here.

I'm going to learn how to belly dance at 8. Don't worry, it's just a couple of us chicas. Then go to call people with Katie. She's so cute. She calls me her freshie. Or something along those lines.