Long Complicated Mind Hacks

I'm burning to death.  I mean it.  Underneath my skin feels like hot pokers are stabbing me.  I don't know if it's my body's response to the cold, but I've been inside more than 20 minutes and my small blood vessels keep dilating.  I'm freaking out about it because it's really distracting, not to mention painful.  I feel the pain mostly on my face and scalp.

Maybe I can make the pain motivation?  Most people think, oh yeah, motivation to not go outside without a scarf, and that is a yes, but really?  I'm thinking I can dissect the pain into convincing myself that will happen to me if I don't start working on my homework.  The subconscious is really really easy to trick and hates pain.  On the other hand, it can create pain if it believes fully into it, so I'm not going to try this mind hack.

I now feel so sleepy and tired. Trying to get motivated.  On the bed.

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Now I can't focus.  At my desk.  Super grumpy. Am I going to get married and become a person hater?  I think I will.  It will just happen.  Also I am in the body and mind of an old woman!  It's like I've aged and I can't stop my body from falling apart.  I can't stop forgetting things.  I'm super selfish, like I've lived all my life on Click and can't wait til it's over and I don't care what happens in between.  I'm pretending to be patient.  I have to convince myself it's worth it.  Justify it to myself.  It's endlessly frustrating.  And what's frustrating is the opposite, as well.  If I were fully invested in life...I would know that the outcome was this old womanishness, and I would deter.  Everything is annoying.  EVERYTHING.

then I get a surge of productiveness and I use it on looking up news stories, or typing on this thing.

Ok, I'm going to go hmwk my butt off.  Pray for me.

I just did that.  Laid down the law.  And then my brain said PANIC! I actually panicked.  Because I laid down the law and wanted to kill everyone for my "super important" stuff.

This takes a lot of humility. Ryan Garmon's baby is the cutest baby I've ever seen.  That is all.  Here I go again.  Up in the air like a skyrocket, jack in the box!  Brain body connection please.  Super distracted.  I can't think like I used to, got to think in a different way.