If.

If the internet were perfect, then there would be no broken links.

Idiot.

This post is to make me look like an idiot.

I hate my brother and mom. Now that they seem to be all buddy buddy and love each other. I obviously have no worth and don't have a place in the household I live in.

I really should go off and wander the streets and become one of those bums in Austin who beg on the street for their food. At least I'd have a purpose. Even if it is the most vile and despicable of ones.

I wish my mom had put the TV out of her room. I know it's convenient for her in her room, but it's more accessible for me and John outside of her room.

Has anyone else noticed that my mom is grabby? That she comes up behind you and just grabs things out of your hand. When you're not ready to give it up. Does that bother anyone else?

That's the question of the week, sorry for being an emo, but feeling like your second fiddle to everyone isn't the greatest feeling in the world.

Update #2

Megan is fighting internally about whether having a writing business is worth it or not.

Struggling with seeing "the kids" and dad together for the first time in about a year or two.

Worried that her interest in her school work may be fading. That she won't make it.

Washing dishes, brushing her teeth, and making her bed daily.

Has been trying this new Candy Cane body lotion. It smells terrible, she doesn't suggest it.

Has got a buttload of instructions how she's supposed to act in Thailand, but doubts that they will stick. "She bows."

Wonders what a buttload is and thinks it's different for everyone.

I need you guys opinion on something. I have another blog...which I don't update as frequently as this one. It's a knitting blog and right now it's called Knitting Kniaisarie, "niasirarie" meaning foolishness. I'm thinking about changing the name and could use your input.

Should I change the name to:

Knitting Knarls
Knitting Knavery
Knitting Knickers
Knitting Knock
Knitting Knots

or keep it as Knitting Kniaisarie


Don't forget to leave a comment on the blog!

Update

I'm sure that you all have been dying to know what's going on with Megan.

She still takes medication which she wishes she could get off.

She hasn't tried any long term projects yet, writing wise.

She's still going to school and taking her Technical Writing and Psychology courses seriously.

The catch on that is they aren't beneficial to her decided major, English.

For some reason, she got the clue that she should try for nursing. What a joke.

So she's hating these classes because they are pointless in her future, even though she's learning a lot.

She's glad she has internet.

She wishes her family would go to her blog and comment there, instead of sending her emails, because that would up her traffic.

And she likes talking about herself in third person.

The End of the Beginning

So I failed at Nanoblomo, but don't curse me for it. You just saved yourself extra stuff up for now.

The diet and exercise is going well, and I would like to say that mostly things are going well, except for this rash. Now, I, more than anyone hate people talking about their weird medical deals, but this rash is all over my body and my face is really red. Passably-for-a-normal-person-red, but still. We think it's the acne meds which did it, but I'm wondering with the diet of milk and chocolate and vitamins, and soy proteins and the excessive exercise... what is up with that?

I shouldn't be complaining, the starving children in Africa, you know. So with that I bid you adieu. m

Random Babblings

The last thing we forget to do after a long, long day of hard work is take a shower, get a cup of tea and relax.

So forget your troubles, your dirty neighbors, and actually, I really really am glad that we got a puppy. Because the problem lies within ourselves, and if we can give willingly out of a pure heart.

Trusting that a younger being than oneself will take seriously the propositions of the adult, we learn that even the best individual achievement is not good as working together.

Hard Cold Truths

I am an idiot. I am dumb, I am stupid, I am retarded, I am mentally insane, I am a fool, I am mentally challenged.

I'm ugly, I'm not fun to be around, I'm angry, I'm not a people-person, I'm antisocial, I'm shy, I'm fired.

These are some of the doubts plauging me, as I plunge through my day. I can't seem to think straight or come up with a line of conversation.

It's all just introspection. Either way, I'm unhappy.

I get where I want to push papers for the rest of my life... just to show them. Who? The man, I guess. I want to do something stupid and not useful. Which is what they want.

To show them the world of hurt they could get into and the world of hurt they are. So I can show them "bad."

So I can show them, that my world is crumbling.

They still want me to take the medication for what I did. I don't even know or could fathem (another one, I'm shallow.) how or what I did.

Anyway, that's my sucky post. Yah, NaBloPoMo. Question of the day (make a comment) : What are the labels you don't like or find stick to you?

The Fat and Thin of It

I basically slept all day and then I woke up and had a shake.

Let me talk about shakes for a second. These are the Slimfast shakes.

My lovely mother thinks that they don't have enough nutritional value, but they say right on the shake that they have like 100 calories and 20 grams of protein and stuff. Now I am taking these to lose weight and I haven't lost that much, maybe two or three pounds. Losing weight is hard, as is exercising three times a week. I can start to feel that I don't have as much energy (meaning I'm burning fat) and there is a looseness in my pants. And it will continue to be difficult to exercise.

The thing is, my body chemistry is working against me. The medication I take, the Zyprexa, is shown to increase weight among people who take it. It is also shown to cause diabetes. Although I don't have that problem yet, I'm looking to the future when it may become a problem through a family history of diabetes. Insulin shots and blood pressure pricks may be in my future.

While this has to do with my crusade against fat, it also has to do with my quality of life and who I am as a person. To the new month-- question of the day: who do I want to be?

NaBloPoMo

The aroma of cooking potatoes fills the air and in the kitchen my mother is cooking.

I have to apologize to my blog and my readers. I signed us up for something: National Blog Posting Month, which happens every month, but at the end if you've posted for the whole month you get prizes. Which is my excuse for doing it. Maybe I'll even share the prizes. Either way, my readers and I are on a zany trip through soul-searching and self-revelation and nights of insanity and pointless conversations.

February's theme is "want." I may write on the theme, I may not. I think you get brownie points for writing on it. But I digress.

First Impressions

Mike Frame is my professor of introductory psychology. He's a friendly middle-aged man who likes to make the class laugh. There are online quizzes, making for easy grading and easy access to the computer. We have some research requirements to fulfill, but my first impressions are of easy class.

My second class is conducted by Lorie Jacobs, a woman I couldn't find anywhere on the UTA web site or on the site she gave us, it giving us a "Error 404," whatever that means. Technical Writing, a course which is based on boring exercises, is where the teacher is supposedly teaching us how to write. (A writer who knows that only one person can teach you to write.) So we'll learn "how" to write memos and other random "workplace" modes of communication. Furn, furn. I just made up a new word....say it with me....furn.


So overall things did not go to badly for a first day. Tomorrow should also go smoothly, with the addition of my books and I'm wishing I had a locker or cubby to hide my stuff in while on campus. Maybe they should add lockers for students. When they put out student comment cards, I think I'll fill one out.

Question of the Day: If you could go back to college or if you could do it over again or you want to go to college, what major would you choose? Answer the question in the comment section below the post.

A Separate Peace

I've been reading John Knowles a Separate Peace lately and I've found out several lessons.

1. Don't let your reader distract you, come back to the main point.
2. It's ok to summarize. That is helpful to your reader who isn't paying attention anyway and is probably drooling over the book anyway.
3. Don't be congineal and friendly, you get pushed out of trees.

That last one take with a grain of salt, I just noticed what the book was really about. And we want people reading it! Sometimes.

Well, I didn't finish NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month for skipping a couple days this past week, but I've been keeping it going with NaNoWriMo. It's getting difficult to not just finish it, in the beginning of the novel. I feel I have less and less to write about, but my characters keep living and functioning and most of all doing things. So I keep writing.

So amazingly bad.

It's odd how I read a bad book and I can put it down right away. But a bad story I'm writing...because it's nano I have to keep writing. I can't just put it away and say to everyone "let's never speak of this again." Although that might happen once this is over, but it's like a baby, I take it out once a day and coo over it and feed it, and it grows, regardless of how actually ugly this baby is. And it's ugly, no transitions from scene to scene, random conversations that don't really contribute to the plot...you name it, I've got it. Want to read it yet?

The no plot, no problem is actually kind of an issue

So I'm writing and I have no clue what comes next. It's like I am writing on the edge of the abyss, not knowing which words come next...and no, not the abyss in the Bible from whence come the dragon. More like the edge upon the abyss of reality. Which is scary place to be for me. But it that's how I write: so be it.

Sort of licensing writing above any other project I have going on is probably not the best idea. So I need to set down some ground rules for NaNoWriMo.

Writing does not come before sleeping, eating, or any member of the family, including the cat. In fact, those are my ground rules.

Oh yeah, if I turn insane over this horrible piece of writing, everyone must say that I "went insane for my work." Thank you. That is all.

Also, I find this highly amusing. Notice the white kid on the right. I know one kid who's parents will be voting for McCain.

Today was rough

I spent all my time up til midnight fidgeting away on the internet, all unknowing of the task I would have to undertake. I think many writers must write naked for that is what we must do of soul, strip ourselves down to the bare bones and build ourselves up again. It wouldn't do any good to try to write dramas with our clothes, on, they wouldn't be true to life, to our birth. Where we came from the womb immediately put in a fuzzy blanket to comfort us. While when someone reads they want to take off that blanket and face the world as it really is, passionately fancy-free.

The failing at life

I didn't take my physics test today. That's how I like to describe it.

1. We have a new professor and the tests are not the tests given to us in the science study lounge.

2 I brought two mechanical pencils and both stopped working.

3. I forgot to bring a scantron.

4. I didn't get half the problems on the test anyway.

Basically, I fail at life. I didn't go to the review. Even if I make a hundred on the next test, that only averages out to a 50.

I just think there's something seriously wrong with me that I fail at life. Maybe I should go to community college next year. Maybe the material there would make more sense to me.

How we get picked up.

Looking for writing jobs all day is draining, with expectant mothers to be of articles, newspapers and magazines yowling at us, conveying their every whim. I think they should institute a new way of working on projects. Like Mexican workers, we should stand on street corners and when a prospective employee drives by we should jump in the back of their truck, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I'm BAD.

I think we don't realize how much this word affects us as little kids. That we were a bad person merits change or at least remorse. But what if you're just bad at something: Something you've poured your energy and thought you were good at. Well, hell, what if you were just "bad at life." Which is how I feel about my recent job experience.

I didn't feel I was bad at it, my employer did. So do I take her perspective and hang my head in shame, or do I take the perspective of a gangsta. and say "Yeah, I'm Baaaaad!"

Password: Denied

I seem to have difficulty punching my password in just right the first time. I wonder if any other people have problems like this. Akin to test anxiety or perhaps a type of uber-anticipation, my finger or brain seem to be uncoordinated with each other. Either I don't remember the password, or there's a mini finger mumble-jumble. I hope that soon I can recover from my affliction. It is frustrating and annoying at the worst, but imagine what one could do with the saved time. Godspeed and coordination fingers and brains.

Hi everyone.

I've been doing a "word of the day" thing which I get from my google gadget. I love learning new words and using them in sentences.

Right now I'm unsure as to the direction of the blog. It's my personal blog which I want to reflect my personal life and what goes on. However, seeing as I'm not always at my most interesting, I'm not sure everyone wants to hear about my day.

I have several ideas: I could make this an idea blog, like Idea province. I have so many great ideas that never see the light of day.

Another idea is to make it a word-of-the-day blog. Which I'm not sure would appeal to anyone...

I talk to myself about getting readership and RSS blogs, but really, I'm a bit flummoxed about getting people reading my blogs.

There's the option of collecting all my contacts from facebook.com and promoting my blog that way. However, do I really want to annoy all those people.

First, I must choose a direction.

You can vote on a direction by sending me an e-mail. I've e-mailed my family to see what they think because I value their opinion. Send me your ideas. I thought of blogging for my classes, posting notes and stuff, and that's another idea. The thing is, most blogs need a gimmick, something that unifies them all and I haven't discovered mine yet.